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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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roguewolf1 wrote :
There are 21.
A perfect illusion?
- August 11th, 2009, 05:07 am
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PinkFlumingo PinkFlumingo is offline
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Mr_Right wrote :
Even though a few people have met someone from eHarmony Advice and gotten married, that's not the purpose of this site.
Then why does advice.eHarmony give us the option of profiles if our advice is to be annonymous and they don't encourage actual friendships that may lead to something more?
- August 11th, 2009, 05:53 am
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MicMan MicMan is offline
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PinkFlumingo wrote :
Then why does advice.eHarmony give us the option of profiles if our advice is to be annonymous and they don't encourage actual friendships that may lead to something more?
Just about every message board I've been to has a section to fill out a profile. eHA does allow a more detailed profile than some, but I don't interpret that to mean they're hoping people get together, though that can certainly be a benefit.
- August 11th, 2009, 06:53 am
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neardc neardc is offline
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MicMan wrote :
Just about every message board I've been to has a section to fill out a profile. eHA does allow a more detailed profile than some, but I don't interpret that to mean they're hoping people get together, though that can certainly be a benefit.
Exactly. Plus, it would be a conflict with the paid site (and their entire business model) for this to be designed as a free-for-all type free dating site. There is nothing specific about eHA that encourages matching up and dating. Given that there are many, many more women than men here, and that most people don't include a photo on their profile, the structure just isn't here to make this an effective dating site. The matches that do occur are in spite of those limitations (just as they take place on other non-dating sites where people interact).

With respect to the questions asked by posters.... Please keep in mind that all kinds of people come here to use this site, many of whom are hurting and confused. Some are young or inexperienced; others are stepping back into dating after the end of a long marriage or as single parents whose children have now grown. Some are well-educated and others are not. Some are sophisticated and others naive. Some are emotionally healthy and others are suffering from depression or another mental illness. Some have friends and family upon whom they can rely for support and others are more isolated or don't have someone to whom they feel they can turn for help or they don't want to disclose their problem to loved ones. Some are very bright and others not so much...

Although some of the questions that people ask may seem like "duh" to others, and repeats of questions that have been asked by countless others who came here before them, for that poster the question is a real one that is about their life and about which they are seeking input (or, sometimes, validation...). It costs us nothing to view them with respect and respond to them.

If you do find that you are reacting to people's posts with disdain or irritation, and don't feel that you can respond respectfully, then simply resist the urge to post and move on to another thread.
- August 11th, 2009, 09:12 am
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PinkFlumingo PinkFlumingo is offline
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neardc wrote :
Exactly. Plus, it would be a conflict with the paid site (and their entire business model) for this to be designed as a free-for-all type free dating site. There is nothing specific about eHA that encourages matching up and dating. Given that there are many, many more women than men here, and that most people don't include a photo on their profile, the structure just isn't here to make this an effective dating site. The matches that do occur are in spite of those limitations (just as they take place on other non-dating sites where people interact).

With respect to the questions asked by posters.... Please keep in mind that all kinds of people come here to use this site, many of whom are hurting and confused. Some are young or inexperienced; others are stepping back into dating after the end of a long marriage or as single parents whose children have now grown. Some are well-educated and others are not. Some are sophisticated and others naive. Some are emotionally healthy and others are suffering from depression or another mental illness. Some have friends and family upon whom they can rely for support and others are more isolated or don't have someone to whom they feel they can turn for help or they don't want to disclose their problem to loved ones. Some are very bright and others not so much...

Although some of the questions that people ask may seem like "duh" to others, and repeats of questions that have been asked by countless others who came here before them, for that poster the question is a real one that is about their life and about which they are seeking input (or, sometimes, validation...). It costs us nothing to view them with respect and respond to them.

If you do find that you are reacting to people's posts with disdain or irritation, and don't feel that you can respond respectfully, then simply resist the urge to post and move on to another thread.
Well, personally, I do not feel the need to adhere to anyone else's business model. And I fail to see how it would be a conflict. My suspicion is that part of eHarmony's business model is luring people from this free site over to the paid side - its a marketing tool.

As far as the the paid part of eHarmony being effective an effective dating tool...I am stumped on almost a daily basis why most matches are sent to me - I have checked, rechecked, and redone my settings and with few exception found very few points of compatability with my matches.

Thus, I migrated here. And I will not apologize for seeming harsh with some of my opinions - I do believe in self reliance and truly feel that the answers to so many questions are self-evident - if people would only stand up for themselves.

I know I scare off potential dates/mates with this attitude - but would rather wait for the one that can truly hang with me rather than settle.
- August 11th, 2009, 09:31 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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There are several of us that have been here for quite some time and also spend way too much time answering questions on the general boards.

There are also quite a number of people who rarely ever post on the general boards but spend all their time on specific group boards, many of which are built around fun and not serious dating topics.

There are also many people who enjoy reading posts but rarely post themselves. Having talked to several of these people through PMs one reason they say they don't post is that they are in agreement with others that have already posted comments on a thread and feel that they have nothing to add to the discussion.

Personally I will continue to provide my observations, values and opinions to anyone who asks a question. Sometimes I will be flippant with my answer when I just can't believe that someone would ask such a stupid question but when I feel that the question has been asked in all honesty then I will try to provide the very best answer that I can.

If you choose to join in on the discussions then that is fine. If you choose to just read the various posts then that is fine also. If you find that these boards are not providing you with either the answers or entertainment that you are seeking and choose to no longer hang around here then that is fine also. All is good.
- August 11th, 2009, 09:58 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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PinkFlumingo wrote :
Well, personally, I do not feel the need to adhere to anyone else's business model. And I fail to see how it would be a conflict. My suspicion is that part of eHarmony's business model is luring people from this free site over to the paid side - its a marketing tool.

As far as the the paid part of eHarmony being effective an effective dating tool...I am stumped on almost a daily basis why most matches are sent to me - I have checked, rechecked, and redone my settings and with few exception found very few points of compatability with my matches.

Thus, I migrated here. And I will not apologize for seeming harsh with some of my opinions - I do believe in self reliance and truly feel that the answers to so many questions are self-evident - if people would only stand up for themselves.

I know I scare off potential dates/mates with this attitude - but would rather wait for the one that can truly hang with me rather than settle.
You are matched based on how you answered the Personality Profile Questionnaire not on your settings.
- August 11th, 2009, 10:02 am
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wishamee wishamee is offline
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I've seen some of your posts to people who have posted what you deem to be "duh" posts. What you claim to be oh-so-obvious is anything but obvious to some people who are confused and hurting when their heart was involved. When in doubt, I prefer to err on the side of treating the poster with respect and dignity rather than a "you can't be serious" remark. There is a real person on the other end of that post... why go out of your way to belittle them?

Besides, there's LOTS of topics on here and you're free to skip over the ones you find too stupid for your consideration.
Great comment. +1
- August 11th, 2009, 10:27 am
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PinkFlumingo PinkFlumingo is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
You are matched based on how you answered the Personality Profile Questionnaire not on your settings.
My personality profile is me to a T - all who have read it agree (friends/family/coworkers/kids). Mine is open for all too see. But since most men (that's all the experience I have) choose to never open their personality profile (even after being asked), how do we really know? If that were true and accurate, why am I always sent matches that are grossly incompatible? If I get past their "about me" section to "open communication," it is usually very apparent there is no chemistry at all - at least from my perspective.

Of the two that I have agreed to meet in person - one revealed that he lied about where he lived by 50 miles (why, I have no clue) and said that if we ever went out in public that I was to lie about how we met! OK - NEXT!

The second was just totally unreliable in keeping a date (3 times) - which I strongly believed was due to his being legally unavailable, i.e., married. So much for the screening process.

Hence my frustration with the entire site - paid and unpaid sides.
- August 11th, 2009, 10:29 am
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neardc neardc is offline
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PinkFlumingo wrote :
Well, personally, I do not feel the need to adhere to anyone else's business model. And I fail to see how it would be a conflict. My suspicion is that part of eHarmony's business model is luring people from this free site over to the paid side - its a marketing tool.

As far as the the paid part of eHarmony being effective an effective dating tool...I am stumped on almost a daily basis why most matches are sent to me - I have checked, rechecked, and redone my settings and with few exception found very few points of compatability with my matches.

Thus, I migrated here. And I will not apologize for seeming harsh with some of my opinions - I do believe in self reliance and truly feel that the answers to so many questions are self-evident - if people would only stand up for themselves.

I know I scare off potential dates/mates with this attitude - but would rather wait for the one that can truly hang with me rather than settle.
Of course it's a marketing tool for eH. This is part of eH and you'll always see ads from the main site here. eHA isn't here from simply altruistic motives. This site is primarily driven by ad revenue, so eH is also always interested in driving more people to this site to increase revenue from advertisers.

If eH could figure out how to have an economically viable and effective free matching site then perhaps they would do that. But, this isn't it.

It isn't up to you (or any of us) to follow eH's business model; that's up to them to do. Presumably it's something that they continually review and tweak in light of whatever information they have about how the sites are doing and external economic conditions.

Like it or not, not everyone has the same internal and external resources and capacities as you do. Or, they need help in developing them. Simply dismissing people or denigrating them because they aren't as capable as you, though, seems unnecessarily harsh.
Last edited by neardc; August 11th, 2009 at 10:32 am.
- August 11th, 2009, 10:29 am
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