Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
thatsroni thatsroni is offline
thatsroni's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

I'll try to make this as short as possible but I can't stop thinking about it so I thought I try the boards for advice.

I've been dating a girl for only three months but I swear its been one the best and by far most fun relationships I have ever been in. Keep in mind I haven't been in a serious relationship for over two years. I went through a bad relationship years ago and I have been realistic when telling myself if a relationship could work in the long run. She also hasn't been in a serious relationship in a couple years as she went through the same thing. This has been confirmed through friends of hers I knew growing up.

Anyways, everything has been going great. She would text me several times a day, even in the middle of the night. She would tell me how much she loved hanging out with me and how much she hated saying goodbye when we get together. Also we would have several long phone conversations and I don't even like talking on the phone!

Starting a couple of weeks ago I don't really get a single text or phone call for no aparant reason. If I text her or call I usually don't hear from her for a day or two and it used to be within seconds. I've given her space and don't pester her every day. The weird thing is she calls me about once a week, we hang out and everything seems normal face to face.

Am I over thinking this or is her distance the past couple weeks a sign I'm about to get my heart broken? Her attitude towards me has definitely changed. I just don't know if shes playing games/testing me or if she just doesn't want to tell me its not going to work?
- November 3rd, 2009, 11:10 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 1,018

See profile

she was texting you in the middle of the night? that's a bad sign. grown-up, serious people don't do that. write her off.
- November 3rd, 2009, 11:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
CapnCrunch23 CapnCrunch23 is offline
CapnCrunch23's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,244

See profile

It could be a simple case of the honeymoon phase wore off for her.

You might be looking too much into it. Everything seems to be okay when your together right! Have you had a talk about seeing other people, Do you know if she is or isn't?

Oh .. Don't worry about texting in the middle of the night. People who don't text don't get it. It's a good feeling to wake up to a text!
- November 3rd, 2009, 11:50 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
Harvey7's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 1,024

See profile

I believe that she is trying to restructure the relationship. Why?
Currently you are clingy, needy and insecure, but a very nice boy and maybe she would like to see the secure young man side of you?

Your communications skills need to improve one does not gather information about the love of his life with 2nd. hand information from his friends.
The telephone is a business and personal tool for communications in business and with friends.
How did we exist before txt.?

Probably your biggest short coming is not utilizing the wonderment and the magic of one on one, face to face communications. There are areas that you need to improve yourself, but don't stress your self out about it. Take a course in public speaking that's why they offer communications in school. Speak to her but don't be accusatory or cry the blues and see what kind of feed back she gives you. A good part of it is listening and asking good questions.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 4th, 2009 at 12:39 pm.
- November 4th, 2009, 12:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
hazmat hazmat is offline
hazmat's Avatar

hazmat is relaxing...

Veteran

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 1,882

See profile

You're thinking too much about it, and since you're not receiving the input you need to answer your questions, it's making you think the worst.

The pickle with that, is that it's given your confidence a beating and made you seem needy and insecure. (not an attractive quality) Stop chasing her. Take a step back and see if her interest perks up. If not, get ready for that dumping. Good luck.
- November 4th, 2009, 06:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Alli824 Alli824 is offline
Alli824's Avatar

Alli824 is at home.

Quick Study

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 84

See profile

I'd say things were definitely moving along at a fast pace and she's decided to slow things down - put some space between you. Doesn't hurt to ask what's going on. Stop texting her and see what happens. If she's still interested she'll initiate.
- November 4th, 2009, 10:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
Wonderwoman402's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 714

See profile

thatsroni wrote :
...Starting a couple of weeks ago I don't really get a single text or phone call for no aparant reason. If I text her or call I usually don't hear from her for a day or two and it used to be within seconds. I've given her space and don't pester her every day. The weird thing is she calls me about once a week, we hang out and everything seems normal face to face.
...
Becoming distant, not communicating so much, needing "space," are all first steps in the slow fade method of breaking up.

I suppose there are instances where this is not so, but I've never known it to be anything other than the preparation for a break up.

If anyone on here can provide an example where they, themselves, distanced his or her-self from a boyfriend or girlfriend and it didn't mean the beginning of the end, I'd like to hear how and why that happened. I don't mean a day or two of being upset and withdrawn about something that ends up getting patched up... I mean like the OP is experiencing, several weeks of drastically reduced communication.

It is normal for communication to "settle down" a bit in an established relationship (vs the flurry of getting-to-know-you communication), but it is not normal for it to go from that to not even communicating for days and only calling once a week unless something else is going on.
- November 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
BikerBeagle's Avatar

BikerBeagle wonders what kind of crazy things he'd do for a Klondike bar.

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 1,162

See profile

^^^ +1 ^^^

I wish I could have everyone's optimism about this, but I'm a realist - like Wonderwoman - and I've never known this kind of behavior to be anything other than the person having one foot out of the relationships and the other foot on a banana peel.

It's called "weening" and, in a relationship, it's a passive-aggressive behavior used by cowards.
- November 5th, 2009, 04:50 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
FirstStepMan FirstStepMan is offline
FirstStepMan's Avatar

FirstStepMan is happy.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

I agree with Wonderwoman402. Its a sign of the relationship slowing down. I was in a long distant relationship years ago and part of keeping it going was a plan of what the next step would be for both of us to work towards. If you have none, then this may be what you can expect.
Last edited by FirstStepMan; November 10th, 2009 at 02:35 pm.
- November 5th, 2009, 10:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Whats wrong with the Burbs? | Array | Advice! met great guy who happens to be felon »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Update on: New advice 1sttimer Relationships 5 September 18th, 2009 08:19 pm
girlfriend distant lately what to do? jamesdee Ask a Dating Expert 8 September 11th, 2009 09:04 am
HELP: Relentlessly depressed and lonly. Need advice. Satsirosu Ask a Dating Expert 21 August 13th, 2009 11:46 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Young, pretty and Latina....you think I need more reasons than these? Seriously, from the little I've observed of her interacting with myself and others, as well as what my friend has told me ... ” – jayjay

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“A prior post reminded me of this incident in my past and wonder what others experiences have been like it. About 15 years ago there was a woman I was interested in. I was in my mid 20s at the time ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “Missed Opportunity” discussion

“SInce you feel so strongly about this, send a communication, card, letter, something short, let her know you are still around for her, the door is open, and then drop it. Make it clear that you are ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “Advice Please! How "Stand By your you man" Hurt ME” discussion

“ I've actually advised a couple friends to do just that in the past. Not only does it have the benefit of bolstering your ability to protect yourself, but it also gives you something to talk to a ... ” – MikeIsPerpetuallySingle

Join the “Safety precautions and dating” discussion

“I dont think it matters who initiates. What do you define as initiaiate. I prefer when it just happens without the feeling that is was forced like I need to kiss her. I dont look for it on the ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “kissing” discussion

“Perhaps you had expectations about her and the relationship that she felt she could not live up to, so she believed it was in both your best interests to end it. If it is meant to be, it will be. Not ... ” – scandalous

Join the “Lost and hurt” discussion

“What was the question she was answering?” – Sassafras54

Join the “Am I missing something here?” discussion

“Interesting article, especially number 6 - very true. Sometimes you'll notice someone unattractive yet they have a wit on communication - making them attractive.” – followmesky

Join the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Singles” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:37 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0