Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
saulgoode's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,308

See profile

Notice that nowhere in this article did it suggest that one SNOOP on one's partner, as the picture in the ad implies! For that point alone, I'd say well done.

- Saul
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 439

See profile

Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.


If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 is better.

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,107

See profile

A little protective lying is the mark of a civilised society; surely to God?
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
clearlyoblique's Avatar

clearlyoblique is smoking crayola

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 2,677

See profile

I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 439

See profile

I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

http://www.ict4us.com/r.kuijt/en_nonverbal.htm

Last edited by kevin76; November 4th, 2009 at 08:58 am. Reason: added link
- November 4th, 2009, 08:56 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

scarlet13's Avatar

scarlet13 whateva wit your howeva!

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 4,479

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
yep.

one of the red flags that popped up with a guy i was talking to online was that he'd been cheated on by all of his girlfriends and from our discussions basically maintained that going forward, he expects all his partners to explain where they were going and with whom and if he didn't like the answer it meant they were lying.

true story.
- November 4th, 2009, 09:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
neardc's Avatar

neardc Play nice, folks. Pretty please?

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,952

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
If you can find any legitimate scientific research that supports the claims made here, I would be very surprised. It simply is not grounded in science...

So, CO, don't even bother trying to figure out whether it's their right or your right you need to focus on...lol.
- November 4th, 2009, 09:18 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo's Avatar

Can_I_just_be_Jo :)

Veteran

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 2,181

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
I look down and bite my lower lip when answering questions. What does the article say about that?
- November 4th, 2009, 09:20 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
nightling's Avatar

nightling -- Yeah, so it's March. I may sneeze to death before April.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 3,147

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
It's actually not a reliable indicator whether they look right or look left. At least, not according to the latest research on the subject.

There is some very interesting research being done with MRI scans however in which they can tell whether you are lying by the which neural circuits in the brain light up. They can also tell which word you are thinking of.

Kinda Orwellian if you ask me.

Last edited by nightling; November 4th, 2009 at 06:05 pm. Reason: And they can tell if you truly believe what you've said too. Imagine that in the hands of the Inquisition.
- November 4th, 2009, 01:01 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
clearlyoblique's Avatar

clearlyoblique is smoking crayola

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 2,677

See profile

My voice squeaks when I lie. My sister's voice squeaks for the same reason.

I come from a family of truth telling terrible liars. We do the Southern Social thing ... and those lines pass muster out of practice ... but an outright lie? Hmmm ... but my sister is good at poker ... I wonder how she does that. The liar. lol.

Last edited by clearlyoblique; November 4th, 2009 at 05:56 pm. Reason: Oh and thanks, Kevin, for the explanation. I often look up to the right when I'm thinking - hate to think I'm a big fat liar
- November 4th, 2009, 05:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Don't contact him! This wasn't "mutual," he broke up with you. He really broke up with you when he asked for the "break." You need to get angry. Realize you deserve to be treated better than he ... ” – Wonderwoman402

Join the “break up” discussion

“Honesty doesnt have to be "brutal". The best statements are those that stick to the facts of the matter and delivery is everything. I would rather tell someone something honestly on a first date in ... ” – Nanette

Join the “Ladies on that all-important first date ...” discussion

“At this point, decide if you want to go all out and risk everything to ask her out, and tell her you want a real relationship with her, after all, that is what you want. The risky part is that she ... ” – softblonde

Join the “Friend into a Relationship, Calamity or Victory?” discussion

“Melman it proves how well you guys are able to communicate with one another. The vast majority of people who do not communicate well with each other over the phone will not be able to communicate ... ” – sony12

Join the “Moving on from e-mail?” discussion

“Harboring bitterness isn't bad simply if you lash out at the person because of it, it's actually quite harmful to yourself. I don't think you're harming anyone else with your post...I do think that ... ” – cardguy

Join the “She de-friended me on facebook exactly a year to the date in which we were meeting up” discussion

“It does make me sad, because I know them both and my family knows them both. However, it does not come as a surprise so maybe that is why I'm not deeply impacted. I have a friend who also married ... ” – justme27

Join the “Close Friend Is Divorcing.” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:29 am.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0