Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
steelerspens8687 steelerspens8687 is offline
steelerspens8687's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

My girlfriend told me that she quit smoking about 10 months ago. I have found her smoking at least once a month since then. I let it go at first because I figured it was hard and she was trying. Now she is smoking behind my back everychance she has alone. She has multiple packs of cigarettes hidden in different places and it is obvious that she is smoking when im not around. She does not know that I know about this. This has been an ongoing issue that I am just tired of talking about, but I am so mad about her doing this behind my back that I just think I need to bring it up even though I do not want to have the same conversation over and over. Every time we have this conversation she gets defensive and it turns into a fight that she says is my fault. It is not the smoking that bothers me at this point, it is that she is going behind my back and doing it and still acting like she quit and is so proud of herself for quitting. What should I do in this situation?
- October 26th, 2009, 09:18 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
DancingFool DancingFool is offline
DancingFool's Avatar

DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,525

See profile

Find a new girlfriend.......
This may sound flippant, but I really do mean it. There are all kinds of underlying issues here and none of them are good. Bottom line is that if the person is lying and their habits are unacceptable to you, they are not going to change and you will not cause change to happen. Find someone that you can be with, who is more suitable and that's that.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:16 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
CapnCrunch23 CapnCrunch23 is offline
CapnCrunch23's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,244

See profile

Take her on a field trip to the cancer wing at the hospital!!

That is what got me to stop smoking. I work with hospitals. My clients take me of tours of their facilities all the time. After seeing and meeting some of the patients with conditions caused from smoking. I never wanted to smoke again after that.
Two years cold turkey.
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 26th, 2009 at 07:34 pm. Reason: then take neardc advice.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Mokkesofie Mokkesofie is offline
Mokkesofie's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,184

See profile

I believe her lying takes root in her being guilty about it. She probably really wants to stop smoking but can't do it by herself and the guilt and feeling a failure makes her go into a defensive mood and that's why she overreacts. If you can take it up with her and talk calmly about it, reassure her that you will help her with stopping and suggest that she gets help from someone professional as well, it might help her end the smoking.
It's not easy to stop smoking, it's an addiction and she needs all the help and support she can get. Good luck with it.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,020

See profile

Bring it up, but in a non-hostile way and with understanding. It sounds like she may be too embarrassed and ashamed to admit that she has once again failed in her effort to quit.

What methods has she been using to quit? Is she just trying to quit on her own? Has she seen her doctor for medication (there are new, effective ones)? Is she accessing any other support resources to help her?

It is not uncommon for it to take multiple attempts before successfully quiting. Smoking is a highly addictive behavior and just "wanting" to quit often isn't enough... You can help her by being supportive and non-judgmental and by helping her identify and access resources that can assist her.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 had one of those days which make you trust everyone that little bit less

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 912

See profile

Secretly smoking! Say it aint so.

Seriously it is an addiction. If it was easy to stop it wouldn't be an addiction. You need to be uber supportive, arm yourselves with as much medical information as you can, be patient and why not try to give something that you really like up at the same time so you can buddy her.

Sounds like she truly wants to stop.

When I was a kid I remember my Dad stopping smoking after 20 years or so on 40 to 60 a day. He was a pig to live with, so much so that my Mum begged him to smoke again. He did, for a few months and then stopped completely abruptly and has never smoked since. Second time round he was much better. Maybe your girlfriend is one of these. Hope so for both of your sakes. I've still got my Dad and I know I'm lucky for that.
- October 26th, 2009, 02:06 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
PY_2 PY_2 is online now
PY_2's Avatar

PY_2 Being patted in the butt felt kinda nice lol

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 755

See profile

The smoking behind your back is one thing...but blaming you for it...that's crazy.
- October 26th, 2009, 02:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
stevex stevex is offline
stevex's Avatar

stevex Who doesn't love $5 pitcher night?

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 648

See profile

Is she committed to quitting, why do you want her to quit? Would you be understanding about it and help her if she was committed and if it is that big of a deal and she isn't committed but you won't be happy if she doesn't quit than perhaps you shouldn't date her.

I am a smoker, my two recent ex-girlfriends didn't like it. I made it clear I had no plans to quit smoking but that I wouldn't smoke around them or before I went to see them. I don't smoke in my car or my house so it wasn't a big deal. With the right woman though, I might be willing to give it up all together.
- October 26th, 2009, 02:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
bigfincat bigfincat is online now
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,788

See profile

I wouldn't introduce so much tension into a decent relationship about a minor issue such as this.

I do prefer a non-smoker but don't mind if they smoke some if that is what they really want to do. I have been with some that have smoked very occassionally & that was perfectly fine.

If she was a smoker when you started & is smoking less now then I would view that as a positive.
- October 26th, 2009, 06:06 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
hazmat hazmat is offline
hazmat's Avatar

hazmat is relaxing alone with a cold :(

Veteran

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 1,881

See profile

If you're not going to dump her, make a game of it. Seek out those hidden cigarettes and just leave the empty pack, or put those little prank things in them that make them blow up, or make them disappear and claim innocence
- October 26th, 2009, 06:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks


« Is your Personality Ruining your Relationships? | Array | i think i love her but i dont lust after her enough? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
HELP: Relentlessly depressed and lonly. Need advice. Satsirosu Ask a Dating Expert 21 August 13th, 2009 11:46 am
I am so lost and hurt that my ex was a jerk and he went back to his Ex. Giselle1008 Dating 17 August 10th, 2009 08:54 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I have three sisters, 7 nieces, a step daughter and a daughter. I guess I am more sensitive to a woman's safety and comfort level than my own. It always amazes me the level of trust a woman I have ... ” – mikeinor

Join the “Safety precautions and dating” discussion

“I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I've not been on eHarmony very long, but I've had some odd experiences. Always curious, I posted a few different photos of myself. Some that were very ... ” – mlennan

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“I know this depends on the person and the circumstances, but in general, how many dates does it take for a guy to know whether or not he wants to pursue a relationship with the girl he's dating?” – Andrea8823

Join the “how many dates before a guy...” discussion

“i think the thing about men having a "strong" sex drive is interesting. i'd say, by and large, men's sex drive is strong in the moment. they're hardly as willing as women to get married to ensure a ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“I have lowered my expectations and I am willing to make do / settle on... perfect.” – mikeinor

Join the “'Green Flags': What Do You Want in a Partner?” discussion

“Lest we have forgotten it the crux of the OP:First ambiguous problem- met online... saw posting and set up a date or EH GC for a month then OC for another month?Second: I could hardly believe they ... ” – my5cents

Join the “Does a woman's financial well being, profession, and wage matter to the men?” discussion

“There's no such thing as "important dates." Treat someone in a way which is sustainable forever. I don't now, and surely never will, remember "dates." What's unsustainable about remembering ... ” – meri75

Join the “How "date oriented" (anniversaries, birthdays, etc) are you?” discussion

“ It has been 5 days since she didn't respond to my last e-mail. If my Saturday date doesn't go well I will probably e-mail her... but I figure after 5 days the match is dead.” – mikeinor

Join the “Does self employeed = dead beat?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:55 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0