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nmsteach nmsteach is offline
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I met a fantastic guy on eharmony. He kind of came out of no where when I had almost given up. He has all the qualities I want in a person and our relationship has strongly developed. We love each other and plan on getting married, but our biggest issue is that currently we live about two hours from each other. We both are going into our second year of teaching. He has a dream head coaching position that he doesnt want to leave and I have my dream job at the school I have wanted. He is already three hours from his family and I don't really want to move more than an hour away. We are both willing to move for each other, but neither of us ideally want to leave our jobs. Does anyone have any advice for how to make this process of deciding a little easier?
- July 23rd, 2009, 07:25 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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The answer is simple in the near future you and he are going to buy a house or a condo, Right? (Maybe sooner rather then later with the improving economy.) You split the month 2 weeks at his and 2 weeks at your place until you find your dream home, which should somewhere in the middle or a one hour drive for each of you. I would not worry about your family's it gives them somewhere to go on the weekend alternatively
it also affords you privacy, which family do not mind invading!
The cost associated with the both of you moving to a new apartment is not worth it especially with all of the houses on the market. You could also look a leasing a house, before you buy or with an option to buy and they can credit a percent of your rent to the down payment!
Don't move yourselves someone always ends up with an injured back. It called compromise! Good Luck.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; July 24th, 2009 at 12:31 pm.
- July 24th, 2009, 12:21 pm
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CJF CJF is offline
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This is a tough one. Perhaps you both can take the sacrifice and move in the middle. Would it be too much for either of you to drive 1 hour to work?

If you compromise on this then there won't be any resentment from either of you on having to give up a dream job. Sometimes having to drive further to work is worth the hassle.
- July 24th, 2009, 12:27 pm
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Maybe do the 'live in the middle' with a 1 hour drive for each....until one of you finds another 'dream job' (or something close to it) in the same town as the other.
- July 24th, 2009, 12:38 pm
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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Since good jobs are not lying around waiting for you, I'd say the living in the middle is your current optimal solution, assuming you can both afford the hour long commute. If that is not an option, then money talks - who makes more money and who is in a more secure position, gets to stay and the other one gets to look for a new job. Sorry, but I'm practical like that. Oh yeah, don't quit until you have a secure position and a signed contract for it.
- July 24th, 2009, 01:05 pm
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angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
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I agree with Harvey that you and your guy should consider moving to somewhere centrally located for the both of you. Good luck
- July 24th, 2009, 02:06 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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You put it on a spreadsheet and monetize all the facts so you can make on optimal solution. What kind of growth / further education / advancement potential exists for both of you? What are the cost associated with each possible living arrangement? Get it all into numbers and disentangle any emotions.

If it was me, I would look at who had the better job, and who had the job opportunities in their area (for me, employment is always the independent variable in every decision.) If that did not produce a clear decision, I would next consider each house and the housing market in each area, quality of life, etc.

I would not entertain the centralized relocation myself, as that is a time burden that wouldn’t work for me, and it seems like an illusory “fairness” that is not really sensible. Everybody’s situation is different, but I would keep the two houses and be together weekends until the job situation broke free.

I think both people should look for a position in the other’s area, and let things be until someone first gets an offer; then evaluate what to do.
- July 24th, 2009, 02:44 pm
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[quote=CJF;685236]This is a tough one. Perhaps you both can take the sacrifice and move in the middle. Would it be too much for either of you to drive 1 hour to work?

[quote=jayjay;685243]Maybe do the 'live in the middle' with a 1 hour drive for each....until one of you finds another 'dream job' (or something close to it) in the same town as the other.

DancingFool wrote :
Since good jobs are not lying around waiting for you, I'd say the living in the middle is your current optimal solution, assuming you can both afford the hour long commute. If that is not an option, then money talks - who makes more money and who is in a more secure position, gets to stay and the other one gets to look for a new job. Sorry, but I'm practical like that. Oh yeah, don't quit until you have a secure position and a signed contract for it.



Me 4. What they said. And yes, that is the color of money!
- July 24th, 2009, 04:50 pm
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meri75 meri75 is online now
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nmsteach wrote :
I met a fantastic guy on eharmony. He kind of came out of no where when I had almost given up. He has all the qualities I want in a person and our relationship has strongly developed. We love each other and plan on getting married, but our biggest issue is that currently we live about two hours from each other. We both are going into our second year of teaching. He has a dream head coaching position that he doesnt want to leave and I have my dream job at the school I have wanted. He is already three hours from his family and I don't really want to move more than an hour away. We are both willing to move for each other, but neither of us ideally want to leave our jobs. Does anyone have any advice for how to make this process of deciding a little easier?
Congratulations!

WRT to your situation, moving to somewhere in the middle is an option. It would mean (I think from your description) that you'd both have to be then commuting to/from work. Have you ever commuted previously? This is worth thinking about as it isn't always the best option. You will be more tired and less money incoming due to outgoing travel budget.

Unless the 'family' he is referencing his children and/or care responsibilities he may have for his other family members, I don't feel it is a factor as to whether or not you/he should move. What if in six months time his family move interstate?

From what I see around me with couples, having to move due to the work factor seems to be fairly common.

I would just reiterate that if only one of you move, that decision needs to be a willing choice. Not a reluctant compromise.
- July 24th, 2009, 06:17 pm
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nmsteach nmsteach is offline
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Thank you very much for all your replies. They are very helpful!
- July 25th, 2009, 08:20 am
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