That would only be the case if self awareness did not change over time. But it has been my experience that most people become more self-aware with age, which means that their ability to identify, sort through, and let go of that baggage increases. So while it is true that some people continue to accumulate baggage and have more of it as they age, others actually have less with age than they did in youth.

I can tell with with complete certainty that most of my friends in their 40s and 50s have far less baggage than any 20something I know - and definitely far less baggage now than they themselves had in their 20s.

People don't obtain baggage simply through dating. We start to accumulate baggage pretty early on as a result of negative or emotionally painful experiences. The way we are treated by those around us and the way we see others being treated in relationships influence our beliefs, attitudes, and reactions. I think in my life I only ever met one person who made it to adulthood emotionally 'healthy'.

The problem is, that at the ages that we are acquiring those beliefs, we have a limited capacity for self-awareness and a limited ability to identify the assumptions we hold and to challenge our own assumptions and beliefs. At a younger age, we don't have as clear an understanding that our attitudes and beliefs are largely the product of our life experiences. As a result, we cannot identify baggage in ourselves - we see our beliefs as universal truths or tell ourselves 'that's just how I am'. Since we don't identify our baggage as such, we cannot deal with it.

Most people don't actually deal with their baggage until something in their life is obviously not working. In some cases it's the deterioration of a significant relationship while others start to see a pattern that seems to be getting in the way of what they want. But there's usually soem catalyst. The average 20-25 year-old hasn't experienced that catalyst, so they are carting their baggage around and bringing it into relationships completely unaware.

Jayjay, if we lived in a world where every child grew up feeling safe and loved, with healthy role models to teach them appropriate communication, boundaries, and expression of emotions, then sure, a younger person would have less baggage. But if we lived in such a world, then we'd have nothing but healthy adults and the whole issue of baggage would be non-existent regardless of age.

And when it comes right down to it - I'd rather date someone who is aware of their baggage and actively working on dealing with it than someone who is completely oblivious to their stuff. The stuff you don't know about can be far more destructive to a relationship than the baggage that's identified and examined. The unidentified stuff is like a ticking time bomb that's been slipped onto the plane without anyone's knowledge as opposed to the baggage that's been screened.