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Annnnne Annnnne is offline
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So I am in my late 20s and have really enjoyed the type of people I have been meeting so for on eH (granted there are a lot of duds to weed out). Most of the men I have met with are in the 33-38 age range, which is in line with the ages of most of my friends.

I'm trying to talk one of my girlfriends who is 38 into signing up. She is in great shape, sucessful, smart, funny, educated, etc, etc. Overall, she is mature but does not look or act her age (she could pass for 31-32ish easily).

Last night one of the men we were out with who has also enjoyed being on eH was telling her to sign up but say she was 5 years younger than she really is. He is a doctor and in his mid 40s if that matters.

She wants to date more, but wont sign up for eH because she doesnt want to lie about her age and her friends who are 38-40, but also are like her in that they look and act younger have had little luck on eH. She says that men discount women in her age range even if there are great pictures and a good profile.

What should I tell her? Ladies would you lie about your age? Men, what would you do if you met a beautiful, smart, funny, established woman and found out later that she took 5 years off of her age on her profile? Also, men who are in their late 30s early 40s, would you pass over someone who was 38 if you still wanted to have kids?
- November 1st, 2009, 01:37 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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Would she mind meeting a man through eHarmony who claimed to be in his mid 40s, but was actually in his early 50s?

Regarding children, I'd still like to have them and I'd feel that starting a relationship with a woman who is 38 would be pushing the barrier for this. There may be a feeling of everything being rushed that wouldn't be pleasant.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:43 pm
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brneyedangel brneyedangel is online now
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Annnnne wrote :
So I am in my late 20s and have really enjoyed the type of people I have been meeting so for on eH (granted there are a lot of duds to weed out). Most of the men I have met with are in the 33-38 age range, which is in line with the ages of most of my friends.

I'm trying to talk one of my girlfriends who is 38 into signing up. She is in great shape, sucessful, smart, funny, educated, etc, etc. Overall, she is mature but does not look or act her age (she could pass for 31-32ish easily).

Last night one of the men we were out with who has also enjoyed being on eH was telling her to sign up but say she was 5 years younger than she really is. He is a doctor and in his mid 40s if that matters.

She wants to date more, but wont sign up for eH because she doesnt want to lie about her age and her friends who are 38-40, but also are like her in that they look and act younger have had little luck on eH. She says that men discount women in her age range even if there are great pictures and a good profile.

What should I tell her? Ladies would you lie about your age? Men, what would you do if you met a beautiful, smart, funny, established woman and found out later that she took 5 years off of her age on her profile? Also, men who are in their late 30s early 40s, would you pass over someone who was 38 if you still wanted to have kids?
I was honest about my age when I was on eH, and it wasn't an issue for me. I can't really see the point in lying about age or anything else. If you're looking for a relationship and you start off with a lie, where's the basis for trust to develop? Some people might not care about that, but honesty is a big deal for me. If someone would lie about something as inconsequential as that, I would wonder about what other lies they were telling me.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:43 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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No, no, no! Never lie about anything in any relationship (not just the romantic ones), for you will get caught out and your lie will come back and sting you in the butt.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:46 pm
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Annnnne Annnnne is offline
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meri75 wrote :
No, no, no! Never lie about anything in any relationship (not just the romantic ones), for you will get caught out and your lie will come back and sting you in the butt.

I agree. I've been telling her to let her pictures talk for her...she looks GREAT.

I was supprised that this 40something man, a doctor none the less, told her to sign up and lie about her age. He obviously has a different view on things than I do being a 20something female.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:51 pm
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Age is a big deal for most men even though they are the first ones who will say "age is just a number"!!! Well, "it's just a number" when they are the older ones...but it matters when *they* choose.

I'd just talk about the truth with her, that's all. It is harder to find someone when you are older but that doesn't mean she shouldn't try.

I would also tell her online dating is kind of a boon for older women. Whereas it's harder for older women to meet men IRL online dating gives them so much more exposure.

As for lying...I didn't do it. I am 41, met my bf online. I understand those who do, though. It's a crap shoot. You can "lie" and then fess up when you get your foot in the door and hope they understand or you can tell the truth and probably lesson your chances.

Good luck to her.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:58 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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Playing Machiavellian carp with men is asking for defeat.

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I encountered a woman’s profile once (and only once) where she had 49 in the data field, and the first line in the text was “I’m 49 plus 2.” I took this to mean she was 51 and wanted to get in the search results from guys who selected, e.g., 40 to 50. Should we have met, the burden is on her to bring the sexiness of the younger woman …

I do NOT consider it lying to react to the limitations of the online mechanisms … that said, Sung Tzu says, well, whatever, but … dominate the matching algorithm, and maybe I dominate in the bedroom.
Last edited by D_Lion; November 1st, 2009 at 02:10 pm.
- November 1st, 2009, 02:08 pm
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alissag alissag is offline
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Being a mid-30's gal, I will say that most of my matches have been older than myself. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but, most people that meet me are surprised when I tell them my age. I look younger and I'm very young at heart. Some of my closest friends thought I was 28 when they first met me.

I completely understand why most men have a stigma regarding mid-30's +. Many women I know, that are my age, or even younger, seem MUCH older. It's as if they've given up and just settled into things.

I have never lied about my age, whether in person or online dating. It's just who I am. I'm sure there are plenty of men who are missing out on a great woman because of it LOL

I have debated about changing my age and lying, but, it's just not in my character. To each their own.
- November 1st, 2009, 02:19 pm
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melman melman is offline
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How would you feel about a man who said he was 5' 10" but turned out to be 5' 3"?
- November 1st, 2009, 02:25 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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alissag wrote :
I'm sure there are plenty of men who are missing out on a great woman because of it LOL
There are great women in every age group.
- November 1st, 2009, 02:36 pm
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