Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
hazmat hazmat is offline
hazmat's Avatar

hazmat is home

Veteran

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 2,049

See profile

You're an attorney, and you know how legal matters can be drawn out. He did make a mistake and lie to you, but his explanation seems plausible. And after 5 months, he's still thinking about you. What would it hurt to meet him ?

And if emotionally his marriage ended with the separation in 2006, legal or not, the marriage is nothing but a piece of paper after that. It's not his fault he was held hostage for three years by the legal system and a spouse who (for whatever reason) won't finish things.
Last edited by hazmat; November 1st, 2009 at 02:59 pm.
- November 1st, 2009, 02:49 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

littlebluemonkeymind The word of the day is: FOCUS

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 9,129

See profile

While I can understand his side of things, he had two chances to tell you the truth up front. Before you communicated, and after you asked him point blank. Both times he hedged. I would tend to look at this kind of rationalization as manipulative and avoid someone who engaged in it.

I sympathize with the guy. Truly. We are sometimes bound in circumstances beyond our control. Still, to me it is a measure of good character not to draw others unwittingly into those circumstances.

It's a shame that he either didn't wait until his divorce was final to start dating or that he didn't disclose the whole story to you up front. You have to make your own choice on this. I would hesitate. When a marriage ends emotionally is not when a marriage ends.
- November 1st, 2009, 02:51 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
WYskywatcher WYskywatcher is offline
WYskywatcher's Avatar

WYskywatcher survived the 11 mile run in 17 degree weather.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 450

See profile

I believe that he believed that "everything with his ex was final." Many people have already begun to sever the emotional ties with an ex long before the divorce proceedings are finalized. BUT until the divorce proceedings are finalized YOU ARE STILL MARRIED and THEREFORE, are NOT available to be in another relationship.

It takes a lot of time and energy to bring full closure (physical, emotional, and material) to a failed marriage. I believe the process of emotional closure can begin at the time of separation, but you cannot have complete closure until, at least, the legal proceedings are finished. (Some people are divorced for years and still do not have emotional closure.)

I would be less worried that he 'lied' about being divorced and more concerned that you would be a rebound relationship. Has he really had enough time to figure out what part he played in the failed marriage? or What to avoid the next time? or Is he just looking to be back in another relationship because it feels better than being alone?
Last edited by WYskywatcher; November 1st, 2009 at 03:09 pm. Reason: sp
- November 1st, 2009, 03:06 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
brneyedangel brneyedangel is offline
brneyedangel's Avatar

brneyedangel wishes there was more space to say something relevant!

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,283

See profile

Honesty is huge with me. When someone lies to me, especially when I'm getting to know them, they aren't leaving me much to build any trust on because they've made me suspicious of them. Anyone has a certain amount of my trust right off the bat until they give me a reason to believe that they are undeserving of it. If they damage the trust I give them, it's unlikely they're going to get anywhere with me. I don't know that I could let this go.

As far as I'm concerned, a marriage isn't done till it's done. If a man is still legally married, I'm not interested in dating him, and I don't particularly like being deceived about it, either.

Regardless of how you personally feel about where a marriage ends, he had two chances to come clean about this, and yet he chose to lie about it. What else is he going to choose to lie about?

I also agree with the statement that was made pertaining to potentially being in a rebound relationship. It's a rotten, empty place to be when he decides that he isn't feeling lonely anymore and you've served your purpose.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
hazmat hazmat is offline
hazmat's Avatar

hazmat is home

Veteran

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 2,049

See profile

After trying to get a divorce for three years, he's probably ready to move on with his life. If everyone had to wait three years to have another relationship just so it wasn't considered a rebound, there'd be a lot more lonely people out there.

If you like him, give him a chance. We're talking coffee here, not eloping to Vegas.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:50 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

alissag alissag is offline
alissag's Avatar

alissag Life's not about weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain!

Pacesetter

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 241

See profile

hazmat wrote :
You're an attorney, and you know how legal matters can be drawn out. He did make a mistake and lie to you, but his explanation seems plausible. And after 5 months, he's still thinking about you. What would it hurt to meet him ?

And if emotionally his marriage ended with the separation in 2006, legal or not, the marriage is nothing but a piece of paper after that. It's not his fault he was held hostage for three years by the legal system and a spouse who (for whatever reason) won't finish things.
More women need to see things from your perspective... Why do they seem so quick to judge?!
- November 1st, 2009, 04:04 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
brneyedangel brneyedangel is offline
brneyedangel's Avatar

brneyedangel wishes there was more space to say something relevant!

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,283

See profile

alissag wrote :
More women need to see things from your perspective... Why do they seem so quick to judge?!
Been there, done that, got used, got hurt, learned to be a little more cautious.
- November 1st, 2009, 04:11 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
nightling nightling is offline
nightling's Avatar

nightling thinks a cloak of invisibility for her birthday would have been nice.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 3,173

See profile

He thought his lie was safe and that he'd get away with it so you know he wpi;d lie when it's in his best interest ... will he lie to you once he gets to know you better? Only time will tell ...

But that said, people do make mistakes. And I don't necessarily believe lying is always bad. It's good to lie when the Gestapo knocks on the door and asks if you have Anne Franke in the attic ...

I would proceed if you are interested in him, but with caution.
- November 1st, 2009, 04:31 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
6dle899 6dle899 is offline
6dle899's Avatar

6dle899 's celery stalks in the kitchen need V I A G R A

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 4,538

See profile

hazmat wrote :
If you like him, give him a chance. We're talking coffee here, not eloping to Vegas.

A liar is a liar is a liar.


Legally married is married.


How many times does it need to be said
- November 1st, 2009, 04:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
hazmat hazmat is offline
hazmat's Avatar

hazmat is home

Veteran

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 2,049

See profile

6dle899 wrote :
A liar is a liar is a liar.


Legally married is married.


How many times does it need to be said

Duly noted.

I just don't feel life is so black and white. He didn't lie to cause harm, the guy just wants to get on with his life. I'm sure none of us has ever made a mistake and had to apologize for it. He must like her (or the idea of her) quite a bit to continue trying. What a waste not to at least give it a cup of coffee.
- November 1st, 2009, 05:19 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 Last »

Bookmarks

« Aww Those Ickle Kids | Array | How do i talk to women ? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What is the divorce rate among eHarmony couples? Has anyone heard any stories? Mr. Nice Guy Using eHarmony 20 February 14th, 2010 10:50 am
being exclusive, when to change your facebook status treeye Relationships 17 December 15th, 2009 08:22 pm
Divorce Age: How Long to Wait saulgoode Relationships 12 August 26th, 2009 07:35 pm
Thinking about divorce..... Blossomed76 Relationships 12 June 2nd, 2009 02:34 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“What if you are just involved in lots of kissing? Does that make difference to you? I am just wondering. It makes a difference to me because kissing is still intimate.” – Monica1

Join the “Letting them know you're multi-dating?” discussion

“Shirley Knot” – dahlimema

Join the “Games: A, B, C (take two)” discussion

“I went to a concert last night, an Irish chorale concert, for St. Patty's day. I met a friend of my friend for the second time and I think I finally get it.This friend of a friend is Super(Uber) ... ” – Yeti

Join the “Holding Hands after 6 months.. A Sin !!??” discussion

“You're Boss!!?? NFW!! Who hires these people, people just as moronic as them I suppose. I have heard of this expression.. The line between genius and idiocy is thi.. actually I think it's Genius ... ” – Yeti

Join the “Pet Peeves!!” discussion

“Guy's perspective on this. He just saw you the day before, and he wanted to see some friends of his while he was in town. So he tried to work them in, not realizing how much it would upset you ... ” – robv_la

Join the “Broken Date - Perspective Wanted” discussion

“Take some risk and initiative, call him and ask him out instead of waiting for him. Then if the date is going well, just surprise hiim with the kiss in the middle of the date (not at the end). My ... ” – robv_la

Join the “3 dates-- no kiss, and hardly no contact. Has he lost interest?” discussion

“Update??” – atuconamor

Join the “I have issues......” discussion

“I think the Goldilocks method is breaking into someone's home, eating their food and sleeping in their beds, then being surprised when they come home and growl at you. They shoulda thrown her in ... ” – robv_la

Join the “The Goldilocks method” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:50 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0