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jayjay wrote :
I myself don't care about 'intellectual stimulation' in a relationship.
Whatever happened to Miss "Full Package" The one with the Brains and beauty, was interesting and vivacious etc? Did she put you off with her wit?
- September 29th, 2009, 01:16 pm
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jayjay wrote :
Yeah....um, some of us men are more 'open minded' than you about age criteria.
I admit that I typically like men around my age or older, BUT when setting up my matching criteria, there was a serious consideration for setting up my matching so that I would not be matched down to what I guessed to be the oldest students I encounter (easy enough to do since we don't have a PhD program, so there aren't any close to my age). It's only partially a question of being open-minded, much like I am more open-minded than other people on more superficial criteria like looks.

BTW, for men, my opinion of open-mindedness is really shown in how much OLDER he will date--not how much younger.
Last edited by MelinCali; September 29th, 2009 at 01:20 pm. Reason: added thought
- September 29th, 2009, 01:18 pm
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librarybabe wrote :
Whatever happened to Miss "Full Package" The one with the Brains and beauty, was interesting and vivacious etc? Did she put you off with her wit?
There are actually qualities that make up the 'full package' that I recognize and have some appreciation for....but that aren't really that important to me. For example....how much money a woman has. A little earlier in the summer I met a beautiful woman who is somewhat wealthy. That too could be part of a 'full package'....at least in objective terms. 'Intellect' is kind of the same for me. It's nice and has some value...but in itself isn't all that important to me.
- September 29th, 2009, 01:21 pm
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MelinCali wrote :
BTW, for men, my opinion of open-mindedness is really shown in how much OLDER he will date--not how much younger.
FYI in the past I had a LTR with a woman who was 14 years older than me. At the present I'd like to have kids if possible....so younger is pretty much the direction I'm looking.
- September 29th, 2009, 01:23 pm
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jayjay wrote :
There are actually qualities that make up the 'full package' that I recognize and have some appreciation for....but that aren't really that important to me. For example....how much money a woman has. A little earlier in the summer I met a beautiful woman who is somewhat wealthy. That too could be part of a 'full package'....at least in objective terms. 'Intellect' is kind of the same for me. It's nice and has some value...but in itself isn't all that important to me.
That's great! Sounds like you figured out how to settle for the run-of-the-mill women you meet after all.
- September 29th, 2009, 01:35 pm
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librarybabe wrote :
That's great! Sounds like you figured out how to settle for the run-of-the-mill women you meet after all.
I wish they were 'run of the mill'...in that I wish the kind of woman I like was easy to find. Don't you?
- September 29th, 2009, 01:37 pm
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jayjay wrote :
FYI in the past I had a LTR with a woman who was 14 years older than me. At the present I'd like to have kids if possible....so younger is pretty much the direction I'm looking.
Exactly what I was talking about! The reason for age consideration in not important--just that there is a targeted age range. It's not a completely open-minded consideration after all, huh?
- September 29th, 2009, 01:38 pm
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MelinCali wrote :
Exactly what I was talking about! The reason for age consideration in not important--just that there is a targeted age range. It's not a completely open-minded consideration after all, huh?
I was really being sarcastic with my comment about men being 'open minded' by dating much younger women. You know...how men are always being told.... Oh, never mind.
- September 29th, 2009, 01:44 pm
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My exhusband has a phd; he has followed both the university and industry path. He lived, breathed, and slept work and his career; it was the only thing he could ever commit to. While it takes much to earn such a degree, he never seemed to move on and progress from that stage. It's not much of a stretch for me to say that most of our so-called marriage and most unconscious partnership took place at and around his desk. While I've been told I am most rational and analytical, it's not how I prefer to relate to others today; my ex was really cut off from his emotions, and was incapable of verbal and emotional intimacy. His life had no balance and my only purpose was as the staff. We lived two very different and separate lives; not something I'm willing to do again. Since time has passed, he has admitted that the number of papers and patents he has are unimportant; it's just at the time for him they were the end all of being. So while the generalization is that professors have much time, it's been my experience that they choose not to make any, much give any to a relationship that takes time and nurturing if it's to grow and mature.
Last edited by pamcam; September 29th, 2009 at 01:48 pm.
- September 29th, 2009, 01:45 pm
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jayjay wrote :
I don't mean to imply this describes you personally, but I think a lot of academics have trouble with relationships because their careers are so important to them and they are so involved in their work. I know a number of academics whose entire lives are really their research, traveling to conferences and giving talks, etc. It's hard for me to imagine them ever retiring happily because they do almost nothing other than their work. Their marriages remind me more of business partnerships than of intimate couples.
I am tending to believe this is what happened with the professor I dated. The first bump in the road she hit she expressed troubles balancing her research, teaching and the relationship. Guess I I lost out in that balancing act.

jayjay wrote :
I don't set any type of educational criteria at all. Also, I myself don't care about 'intellectual stimulation' in a relationship. What I care about is emotional stimulation.... a woman who is capable of intimacy. A woman like this could just as likely be a receptionist or xxxx assistant.
Isn't it possible to have both? This was the first academic I dated, but does being an academic preclude the possibility of being intimate?
- September 29th, 2009, 01:46 pm
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