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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Jumping in having only read the OP so far ...

I define commitment as any difficult to disentangle financial decision: sharing housing, loaning someone money, or making an expense you can only justify if things last. I would have to see a high degree of compatibility of present lifestyle, values and goals, and projected future lifestyle; and attraction and basic contentment with her.

Exclusive is neither here nor there for me, as I treat it as a given.

I have a hard time with the idea that “forever” is a decision made once: I prefer to think of it as a decision one must keep making.
- September 15th, 2009, 04:11 pm
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LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
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D_Lion wrote :

I have a hard time with the idea that “forever” is a decision made once: I prefer to think of it as a decision one must keep making.
Alone or with someone?
- September 15th, 2009, 04:16 pm
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Ciao_eh Ciao_eh is offline
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Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here
- September 15th, 2009, 04:22 pm
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Ciao_eh wrote :
Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here
It really does seem the real issue in relationships is not our definition of commitment but the level of commitment. You've said a mouthful here. Thanks for sharing.
- September 15th, 2009, 04:33 pm
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jayjay wrote :
Because nobody lives forever. The relationship will hopefully last for the rest of your lives, but it won't last literally 'forever'. I think people like to think and talk about relationships being forever it feels more romantic.
Ohhhh. I am relieved that you are just fatalistic, not depressed about your prospects of finding a committed relationship. Ok. I don't have to give you a pep talk to convince you we don't all die. I'm not THAT foolishly idealistic!
- September 15th, 2009, 04:36 pm
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My commitment is to God, to myself (my happiness and well-being), to my partner, and to our relationship and to meeting my own real needs and my partner's and to giving to the relationship what it needs. It is in a committed relationship where we give and receive what we most need, which is healing. It is "that" that I am most committed to.
- September 15th, 2009, 04:45 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
I have a hard time with the idea that “forever” is a decision made once: I prefer to think of it as a decision one must keep making.
LizziePooh wrote :
Alone or with someone?

Not sure of the question?

My view is, that we make a decision to be with a person today, and people often view dissolution of their relationships as failure. I think this is incorrect.

In my view, we decide to be with someone, for all the customary attractions, and then things unforeseen happen, and each time we must remake the decision to be with that person. I think this is the way that fits the world we live in.

One should not treat dissolution of a relationship as failure because one party found they wanted something different out of life.

Along the lines of what I said in LadyJuJu’s thread, I think relationships may come and go, and that ought to be accepted as new beginnings, not feared.
- September 15th, 2009, 04:55 pm
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Committment = the ring
- September 15th, 2009, 06:16 pm
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This is a question I've struggled with for decades. I committed to a relationship that dwindled and died long before I recognized that it would never improve. After thirty years, I had to accept that neither of us was able to change and that we'd each be happier apart.

Now, I find myself second-guessing every step in my new relationship, and unsure if I am being recklessly over-optimistic to be thinking marriage (or too cynical and cautious in my reservations).

So far, I tend to agree with what most of the male posters have said. At this point, I'm not looking for a "forever" commitment; I'll settle for "good enough for now."
- September 15th, 2009, 06:43 pm
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Ciao_eh wrote :
Hmmm... thus far there is an assumption of committment being equal on both sides of a relationship and certainly that is ideal. I think conflicts and relationship issues come up often due to an imbalance in views on, need for, and levels of commitment.

I have also found it can be one party is committed for the long term and the other is perhaps only committed to exploring whether he/she feels the same way. This imbalance in commitment levels only works if one side is not pressuring the other side to sign on for the long term when the other one is not ready. It takes a strong, centered person to declare commitment without any pressure on the other one to join in. It also takes clear, honest and deep communication to make this work toward unfolding.

Perhaps one could think of it as saying "I love you" with no expectation of it being returned immediately or, even perhaps, ever. The words stand on their own, without pressure. Rare I know, but it is most assuredly possible.

Nuff rambling here

I really like this line of reasoning and am also going to take some time to think about this. Thanks for sharing, Ciao_eh!
- September 15th, 2009, 06:43 pm
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