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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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Have you ever experienced a situation where you start seeing someone and you are both happy. And because you are happy, you start to look more attractive to other people. And the other person--okay, the guy--instead of realizing and appreciating the source of his happiness succumbs to the ego boost from having other girls express an interest in him and your relationship falls apart.

I have never been the type who will fight for a man. If he is that easy to woo, I say b'bye. Do guys like girls reining them in and telling other girls to buzz off? I always thought I wouldn't have to do that with the "right" guy but a lot of girls have no shame in throwing themselves at men. I feel like the guy loses to end up with someone like that.
- May 14th, 2009, 06:49 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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I feel like the guy loses to end up with someone like that.

Meaning someone immature and selfish and lacking in discretion.
- May 14th, 2009, 06:50 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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I am not entirely sure I understand you post. If “start seeing someone” means several dates, or even more, I do not expect that that is long enough to have selected one partner.

During the initial dating, it is common to see multiple people. Being “happy” with one is not sufficient to exclude all others, as “being happy” is easy to achieve. That does not mean that there are not other criteria he / them found lacking.

If you getting to a promise of exclusivity and are losing your partners to more attractive, flirtatious women, while that doesn’t reflect well on the men (or the men you have a pattern of choosing), it is you who are here for advice, so ...

While you perhaps do not want “to fight for a man,” in my opinion women should not sit back passively and expect the man to do all the chasing (that is my preference, though it seems to work for some.)

I think it is right to maintain yourself to the standard you used to attract your partner in the first place, and continually make them want to choose you. In reality, I would rather have a partner who keeps choosing me over other options than one who is desperate, clingy, needy, or passive.
- May 14th, 2009, 07:09 pm
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alex751 alex751 is offline
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SisterCassie wrote :
Have you ever experienced a situation where you start seeing someone and you are both happy. And because you are happy, you start to look more attractive to other people. And the other person--okay, the guy--instead of realizing and appreciating the source of his happiness succumbs to the ego boost from having other girls express an interest in him and your relationship falls apart.
Yes, I totally understand what you're talking about. This always happens to me when I'm dating someone.

As a guy, when I'm in a relationship, I'm not really looking to date other women. But when I interact with other women, say, waiting in line or something, this makes me more confident because I'm not really trying to date the girl I'm chatting with. Anyway, usually at the end of the conversation, the woman, often very attractive, looks as if she's waiting for something, like for me to ask for her phone number.Of course, I can't do this, since I'm already in a relationship. It's really frustrating. This actually happens a lot when flying. You have a lovely conversation with your seatmate on the airplane. The next thing you know she's asking if you need a ride home. Or wants to give you a hug. Even flight attendants succumb to this.

Definitely been there!
- May 14th, 2009, 07:48 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is online now
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Can't blame a man for wanting to play the field when that opportunity arises. It is an issue of timing & he was more interested in having fun than settling down at this exact moment. He might need to take advantage of those experiences right now. If he didn't he might regret it later.

You know what they say. It is what it is.

I don't think that the only reason that he is getting interest is because he was seeing someone though. That is a complete guess on your part.
- May 14th, 2009, 09:21 pm
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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
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I've seen it happen, yep. Had a friend when I was young, wild, & crazy who would - honestly - wear a wedding ring when we went out to clubs and bars, and it WORKED for him. He swore by that ring being his secret weapon.

I don't know why it happens. Could be the confidence a guy feels knowing that he has someone 'waiting' for him so he's no longer afraid of rejection ...could be the old saying, people are unnaturally attracted to someone they don't think they can have ...could be that they aren't looking for a commitment to begin with and 'taken' people are safe in that regard ...could be the challenge aspect of wrestling someone from someone else ...lots of reasons.

Sad, but so true. I'd say if you lost someone to this phenomenon, they weren't worth having in the first place.
- May 15th, 2009, 04:05 am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline
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OP

If I understand your question, yes, it seems in my past experience, when in a relationship, I'm noticed/approached, but invisable when single lol
- May 15th, 2009, 05:23 am
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zeekle zeekle is offline
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There is a lot of things in life that are easier to get when you have it already it seems. Jobs, insurance, etc.

And sometimes the grass is greener in the other lawn.

Don't let it rule you. I think when you find one that is worthy of you then he will stay.
- May 15th, 2009, 05:30 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Seems to me that you are describing a very real situation that people always want what someone else has but if no one else wants it then they don't want it either. You can see it with children and toys and in your example with girls wanting the guy that some other girl is with.

I would echo part of D_Lion's post. While it is just bad form for a guy to be showing interest in other girls when he is on a date with you (don't know if that is happening). However, there is no an exclusive relationship until it has been discussed and you BOTH agree that it is going to be an exclusive relationship.
- May 15th, 2009, 05:45 am
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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When a man wants to be with you, he will proactively draw boundaries with other women to protect his relationship with you. I don't fight for a man either. If he needs lots of attention from other women to make him feel important, then he is not the man for me.

At the same time, if the person you are with does get attention from other people, it is not something to be threatened by as long as he is acting respectfully to you. I tend to take those types of situations in stride and it's a compliment to me. I can't help it if I have good taste!
- May 15th, 2009, 08:00 am
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