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theweave theweave is online now
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OMG! RUN!!!! Don't walk! Run to your doctor and get the whole battery of blood work you can possibly get!!!! God knows what you may have contracted from him!

He owes you nothing, he is useless and will deny everything anyhow. Just get out now and move on.

Like others have said, take some time off because you will have trouble trusting others. Get some help if you need it too!

Good luck!
- May 14th, 2009, 09:22 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I think there are a couple of nearly unrelated issues here (and they are not all his.)

First, you snooped and pried into things that are not yours (assuming these accounts are not shared.) Still, having established the behavior you might as well let him know what you did. You are not free of blame (and I may well dump a woman for that sort of invasion), but the conversation is no less relevant. Coming up with a tactic to avoid the revelation you snooped is adding stupidity and disrespect to the snooping.

Second, I do not see that there is any relevance to whether he “connected in person.” Unless calling was the only intent – which I would not believe if that is his defense – the intent is adequately a concern that I would absolutely leave.

I see no logic in confronting him (to what, revel in being all righteous?) If you choose to, I would be totally direct and forthcoming about the source of your knowledge.
I agree with DL tell him you're done with him then give him a Quarter and tell him call someone who cares. He'll figure it out.
- May 14th, 2009, 10:39 pm
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twolatesmart twolatesmart is offline
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My own husband was doing just this except he spent $150 on one of them because he doesn't bother to erase his text messages and I snooped. I texted one of these glorified prostitutes from HIS phone and told her who I was and that she'd been busted. Thus, I'm in the process of dumping him now.
- May 15th, 2009, 02:23 am
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kelliemaree kelliemaree is offline
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I am having a similar situation happen with my fiance i had a baby 6 months ago and in the last 3 months he has been disapearing for hours on end i have also been going through his call log and went through the local paper adult section where i foud a fair few of the numbers he had called some which were phone sex lines and one a brothel! he denies it till the cows comes home and gets angry at me for implying it but what else are we ment to believe? I am also at a loss as to what to do about the situation.
- May 15th, 2009, 06:36 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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I agree what others have said.

Dump him.
No need to confront or explain.
Get checked.

And as some have said, you may want to look within yourself. Snooping is not a good trait to have. And no you cannot justify snooping as you found out that your boyfriend was calling escorts.
- May 15th, 2009, 07:06 am
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Dump him immediately, permanently, and with NO explanation.

It is horrendous that you snooped, but a good thing in this case you did.


For the next guy, please be a lot more selective. <----------and for his sake and yours, get tested NOW. I hope YOU don't turn out to be a Petri Dish of sexually transmitted diseases. < fingers crossed >
- May 15th, 2009, 08:35 am
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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I agree dump him. And also for the snooping thing: yes, something in his behavior might have triggered your snooping. But leave it at that. Going forward, you're obligated to tell him HOW you found out about this and for him to change his passwords so you can't continue to read his emails and look at his phone calls. You had no right to look at his personal data and even less right after you dump him to continue this. Move on with your life and don't access his stuff anymore.
- May 15th, 2009, 09:17 am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline
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ThePriestess wrote :
Why would you want to "bring it up"? Just leave.
Last edited by glassonlyhalffull_fillit; May 15th, 2009 at 09:42 am. Reason: +1!
- May 15th, 2009, 09:42 am
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline
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OP not that I advocate snooping, but in this case GOOD work! He deserves to simply see your belongings and you gone. No explanation required. Oh and discontinue the snooping, you have enough proof, why bother?
- May 15th, 2009, 09:46 am
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tbesq wrote :
Dump him. You probably should have done it a while ago anyway, you would have no need to invade his privacy if you trusted him. I doubt your man is any different than he was when you first met him, you probably chose to ignore your misgivings...a common mistake many women make.

Don't confront him. He'll obviously want to know why you're dumping him, but just say it and let it be at that before he starts going into defense mode. And try to listen to your intuition from now on.
Trying out the quote function for the first time since forum changed here, with all the new bells and whistles
And I haven't read all 3 pages of this post yet but wanted to reply,
Unfortunately, you can't always listen to your intuition. Well, you can hear it whisper, but especially if you are already enmeshed in a LTR, but have no Proof he has contacted an escort, or done any other number of undesireable things. What I'm trying to say is, unfortunately from my experience sometimes snooping, even extensive snooping , is warrented, and the only way you will ever find the truth. Just asking him, based on a "feeling" you have , will get, simply put, a lie from him, of course. Of Course he isn't going to just admit whatever it is, especially cheating, being with escort, etc, just because you had a feeling of such a thing. Some guys DO have a whole secret alternate life, be it escorts, cheating, strange fetish, porn, or worse, whatever it is, they could be Very into hiding it , and having a different exterior, and sometimes snooping is the only way to really get at the truth. Also, if this is really the case, he's probably going to be alot more concerned about explaining himself to her , than freaking out over her having snooped. Sometimes it's a relief, he doesn't have to hide anymore. It IS true, he probably Isn't any different than when she first met him. But "blaming" the woman for not "following her intuition", that's too subjective. I'm sure everyone's "intuition" is different.
- May 16th, 2009, 12:40 pm
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