You've Cheated. Now What?

I think about what consequences could be if I did tell my very loving husband, EVERYDAY! And 100% of the time, it will only help me by unloading the burden onto many others who do not deserve pain. I went as far as tying my tubes because I feel I do not deserve to have any more children....which is now something I ache for. I am only 35 years old. I live my life dry heaving everyday. For Godsake, i was in love with 2 men, both fathers of my children! This is a double whammy... my boss, cheated on the one he was cheating with!! Let me tell ya, add a broken heart on top of it all, sucks, to say the least. No I am not asking for sympathy, I do not deserve it. My marriage WAS just fine, it truly was. I have no idea why I did this! It was like I had 2 different personalities. I know it sounds as if I am being selfish by not telling. Truthfully, I went thru all the different scenarios. I wasn't afraid to be alone. To keep quiet about it IS the best thing! And I've also considered my boss' "father feelings". We've had many discussions, and he won't ever breathe a word, and he won't decide one day to be "a father". Trust me on that one! He turned out to be soooooo different than I thought he would be. He's got a ton of money and can see us struggle, and doesn't offer anything! He takes several vacations during the year and asks me to cover for him. And here, our family hasn't ever been on a vaction and my husband is busting his butt for this guy's child! My husband is the best father for my sons, the best husband any woman would want to have. I knew this prior too! Sometimes when we are doing family things, it is just a great feeling and i feel joy, tremendous joy, and feel lucky to have such a wonderful partner..........but I always stop that joy from lasting, because I am a dirty rotten whore.

I will never be convinced to hurt anybody I love. If the inevitable happens, someday it will... (I found out I was a bastard) I'll hope that the love I have for them will be known and I can express it. I truly do want to do the right thing. The right thing in THIS circumstance is to silently die on the inside. THAT IS WHAT I OWE TO MY FAMILY.

That affair did absolutley nothing for me, physically or emotionally. But I did get a beautiful healthy happy little boy. I wish i can focus on who I USED to be. Which was a faithful loving, sometimes submissive wife and mother. I used to laugh all the time, was fun loving, saw the good in everyone and evrything. I used to pray. I prayed for peace on Earth and for others before my prayers. I never wanted more than what I had. (I came from nothing, absolutely nothing) My mother struggled with mental illness ever since I could remember. Now I understand why.

Muddy-- Have you ever been cheated on? Do you have a clue? I think JP is very wise for keeping her trap shut. She deserves the daily guilt and depression and anguish she has brought upon herself, but the pain she would inflict upon her undeserving children and husband by confessing--all for the sake of easing her own conscience --would indeed be the biggest act of selfishness she has committed to date.

I HAVE been cheated on and I wish he'd have never told me. It almost destroyed me. I tried to commit suicide and ended up in a lock down unit in a psych ward because the pain was literally more than I could handle. My youngest (who'd been potty trained for a few years) reverted back to pooping his pants and both my kids had nightmares and other emotional traumas. I fear they will carry permanent emotional scars into their adulthood for all that they endured. I tried to protect them but was such an emotional wreck myself I was unable to even get out of bed for weeks and months. Thank God I have a very supportive network of family and friends who helped me care for my kids when I could not, and my kids and I have been to lots of counseling, and we have pulled thru. For the most part this is a distant memory for us now. However, l suggest that unless you've lived the situation, maybe you not dole out potentially life altering advice.

This is the absolute worst advice I've EVER heard! Despite being very happily married for 12 years, I made a mistake and cheated on my husband with a guy-friend of mine. To this day, I could not give you a single good reason why I did it - boredom, mid-life crisis, I just don't know. The affair made me completely miserable on a multitude of levels and ended just as soon as it started (we are both married with children.) The most important lesson I learned from it is that my husband is the only one for me. I regret I had to figure things out the hard way, but I will NEVER tell and I pray this never comes back to bite me in the butt. I will never do it again.

I'm sure some of you believe the righteous thing to do is confess and face the consequences of my actions, but I see no benefit in destroying two families with young children because of a lapse in judgment. Would I feel any less guilty when I have ripped two families apart? Will my husband thank me for telling him and destroying everything we've built together? I doubt it! And I'd feel even worse for inflicting pain on two innocent spouses and 4 young children. The ONLY time I think you should tell is if you had unprotected sex, otherwise let sleeping dogs lie!

I wish I could go back and undo things but I can't. Instead, I will do everything I can to make sure my one mistake does not affect the rest of my life and destroy my family. I have put it behind me, learned from it, and hopefully it is dead and buried. If you find yourself in this position, I would advise you to keep quiet and learn to live with your guilt. If you need to talk about it, get a therapist - do not destroy everything purely to ease your conscience. Only tell if you are prepared to lose it all.

For those of you considering an affair - skip it! It won't live up to your expectations and you'll just create a whole lot of anguish for yourself.