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Why Are All of My Matches So Different?

Many eHarmony members want to know why their matches are so very different. If we match based in personality, shouldn�t there be a common thread running through all of your matches? Read on to find out.

Does this letter sound familiar?

I have been on eHarmony for a couple of months and have been matched with over 60 women; have been in touch with over 30 women; 10 of them let me read their personality profile; I actually met 3 women all of whom were good matches for me but no two of them are remotely the same. I understand that the goal of this service is to match people on the basis of their personality. My question is as follows: How can all these dramatically different women be a good match for me?

Well, we’d be happy to answer your question. eHarmony is searching for someone who is like you in a number of important ways. As you probably, know we base our compatibility assessment on 29 dimensions. 29 areas that my research has shown are vital for a couple’s long term relationship success.

These dimensions are widely varied and touch on many different areas, including Kindness, Intelligence, Anger Management, Curiosity, Ambition, Emotional Health, Adaptability. These are just a few of the 29 dimensions we consider when choosing a match for you.

Why is it important that a life mate be similar to you in these areas? In our time researching successful couples we noticed one trend above all others: people who enjoyed long and happy marriages were very similar in a number of important and basic ways. They aren’t clones. They have space within their relationship, and often that space includes some separate friends, separate interests and the like. But on the big personality traits – on the big social, and lifestyle issues – there was great similarity between them on the day they met.

Every significant difference between you and your spouse will create the need for a compromise. Over a lifetime that compromise is a weight on the marriage. We’re not talking about compromising on where you’ll have dinner on Friday night. We’re looking at compromise in the 29 dimensions. If you are very ambitious and she is not. If you are a very kind person and she is not. If education is very important to you and has little value to her. Fundamental disagreement on these issues will gnaw away a relationship.

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