What your Valentine's Day Gift Says About You

Roses. A box of chocolate. A stuffed animal. Does your Valentine's Day present imply that you don't have any good gift ideas? This year, don't send the wrong message--let us help.

Remember that Simpsons episode when Homer gives Marge a bowling ball for her birthday—even though he’s the only bowler in the family? And then Marge notices that Homer has paid to have his own name engraved on the ball?

Marge: You bought that bowling ball for you, not for me.

Homer: What? No!

Marge: The holes were drilled for your fingers.

Homer: Well, I wanted to surprise you. I couldn’t very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store, could I?

Marge: You never intended for me to use that ball.

Homer: Well, if that’s how you feel, I'll take it back.

Marge: You can’t take it back! You had your name engraved on it!

Homer: So you’d know it was from me!

Marge: Homer, I’m keeping the ball...for myself!

Homer: What? But you don't know how to bowl. Whoops!

Marge: I’m keeping it, and I’m going to use it. Thank you for the present, Homer. (She turns off the bedroom light.)

Homer: Well...you’re...welcome.

Obviously, Homer has a huge blind spot that kept him from realizing how Marge would react to this particular gift. And this highlights the essence of good gift giving: an awareness of how your present will be received and what it communicates about how well you know the other person and how you feel about him or her. So even though it’s true that very few of us are as blind as Homer Simpson (thank goodness!), lots of us make gift-giving mistakes by misunderstanding or disregarding what the person we care about actually wants in a present.

Take a minute now and ask yourself: Have I ever given a gift that communicates something completely different from what I wanted to say? Here are some examples:

Flowers and a Heart-Shaped Box of Chocolate

What you think you’re communicating: “I’m giving you a classic, timeless Valentine’s Day gift. Everyone from Fred Flintstone to Ricky Ricardo has gone down this road, and I want to show you love in the same way that Fred and Ricky showed love to Wilma and Lucy.”

What you’re really communicating: “I decided not to put any real thought into a gift that would be just right for you. I’m not as bad as the guy who forgot to get his girlfriend anything, but this last-minute cliché shows that I’m close.”