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The human experience dictates that the most valuable and profound life lessons are products of pain. It’s unfortunate that to grow we must first suffer, but someone who can convert anguish into something positive is lucky. While we are sometimes victims of the hurt – that is, we can’t control how much we suffer – what happens next is completely under our control.
Because life lessons come from people for whom we care deeply (though occasionally our enemies teach us a thing or two), there is a lot to be learned from our exes. Examining past relationships is like holding a mirror up to one’s face; our old flames teach us what we need and want in a partner, what we can stand and what we can’t, and – maybe most important – who we are and how we function in relationships.
The experience can be extremely valuable if you are ready and willing, but if you are still harboring resentment toward your ex, don’t bother. The only thing you’ll be able to see is that you were somehow wronged.
You Learn What You Can't Stand (and What You Must Have)
Probably the easiest thing to garner from a bad relationship is what you can’t stand in other people. Even if you were dumped, there probably was something about your ex that didn’t quite sit right with you, whether it was the way he held a fork or the way she answered the phone. But hey, when you are in love, it’s easy to overlook little idiosyncrasies. After all, they make each of us unique.
But really, these “can’t stands” are petty compared to more serious issues. Ranking number one on the no-can-do list is usually infidelity, with lying and jealously coming in closely behind. Some people balk at the idea of a “clingy” partner or conversely, someone who is too flirtatious.
At the onset we think we can live with certain things that later turn out to be deal-breakers. But how would you know if you hadn’t dealt with your deal-breaker firsthand?
After you’ve weighed your deal-breakers, your “must-haves” become more apparent. Maybe your ex went out and drank a little too much for your liking but in retrospect was way more fun than the workaholic you are now dating. Or perhaps your current significant other is gorgeous but really has nothing on your hilariously funny ex. As long as your list of “must-haves” is realistic, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to have them.
You Learn to Separate Fact from Fantasy
As children we have an idea of the kind of person we’d like to share our lives with when we grow up. Usually this person closely resembles one of our parents or a character in a movie, but that’s another article altogether.
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