What Warrants a Second Chance and What Doesn't?

Crazy that sounds like my story...depsite his flaws I accepted in my life. We were both navy and I got out and moved to the States. He hated the navy and reinlisted just to readjust to things being back to the states. He had 3 years left. In those 3 years we bought a house, went to school, and tried having a marraige. I can relate when it comes to the passion and of how well we understood each other. Then he started taking more classes, where he did overnight campn and the spouses werent allowed. I questioned it but I felt that he needed that to get his mind off the navy. Well, we sold our house , and I got recalled to go overseas for about a year, I thought that weve been in and out of hell where I was confedant about our relationship. A month before my deployment and 5 months before the end of his term he dissappeared for a couple of weeks. I remember spending 4th of July bymyself with the two dogs we had. The night prior he left was had a huge fight. so Im thinking we have been in so many fights, there cant be one argument that we can fix the next day. But after those weeks, I got weary, and lonely and I was far from family and friends. When he finally showed up he had with him divorce papers, I was in shock. Like he was punishing me.. but for what ... this is all on him, he explained that I have been nothing but nice to him and that I deserved better, so with a blank look I signed the papers then he took off. I left him a few days later and went home to my family becuase I needed happy thoughts before my long deployment. While I was overseas we kept in contact and he was sorry. I wasnt ready to fix things yet. Then christmas came and I called him, and hoping that we could fix things, but he had already had a girlfriend. So i left him alone. When I returned he had moved back home to another state. I had no other place to go but return to my parents.. I checked with the court for our divorce papers and he never processed them. I called him to ask why he hadnt done that, and his exuse was that didnt have time with the packing and now he is too far away from that area, I would have to go since I was closer. Or that he was going to try to file from his home town. I waited almost 3 months before the paperwork expired and I didnt want to pay any more for that in my home town, So I asked him for the papers and he responded. I filed them myself.. it was hurtful and I cried , but that is now left behind me. Im now in the process of recunstructing myself, I have dated and its fun. But my heart still hurts for my ex. But I realize too that god doesnt want any of us to suffer but wants happiness for each one of us, I prefer to keep myself happy whether I have to live without my ex. I would much rather prefer that he meet someone near him to keep him company and that he love and respect. Its okay. your not alone.

Oh hi, I can closely relate to that , my ex husband wasnt perfect, and I took him with flaws. I use to tell myself who am I to judge...right... well I knew him 3 years before we married, and I was never seperated from home for more than a week. And it was always during that separation that he seek for attention. Or when I was at work.

But I would definately give it time, dont feel pressured into an engagement... it should feel naturual....and not something that you feel bad for him or the stituation of living far apart. Its not worth to dwell over it. I think it only hurts u more. If anything you guys can move an hour away from another, and that way you still have your space. To live together is a big step.

goods luck.

At some time before my marraige I knew he had a problem, but I was the type that kept coming back as soon as he say "Im sorry, I want to make this work, I miss you" my heart couldnt let me go away. I would get caught up in the motion. I enjoyed the after affects.. the make up period, but I got to know him well enough when he start to act up and I knew we were back to step 1. After three years of turning him down on proposals, I finally gave in because I had invested so much time in our relationship and I made myself believed that he needed me, and I knew him well enough like no other. After the marraige, he had promise to quit his addictions, then after a year he slowly relapsed, and were back to step 1, only this time it got bad. I remember being visited by paramedics twice and was in 24 hour watch. A few breakdowns, and where I thought my only escape was to not exist in this world. Again I was caught up in the motion. Then I realized that its not just him with a problem its me. I keep letting this cycle take me for the ride... Well after a year of seperation and recently fully divorced, Im more at peace with myself, and finding myself. I do miss him but to strengthn my heart I just think of the nights I spent alone when he didnt come home. Sometimes your mind and body will connect and guide and tell you what is best for you.