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There’s a cliché that all men are cavemen. That all they want is sex and food and sleep. And then more sex and food.
But these days, we know that cliché isn’t exactly true. That there are plenty of men who have evolved beyond their cave men brethren. Sure, there might still be a part of them that would love to hear you say, “You can watch football all afternoon long while I cook, and then I’ll serve you and you can take a nap.”
But at the essence of who they are, they’re much more mature in what they’d like to hear you say. Let’s look at a few examples.
What you think he wants you to say: “You’re my whole world and my reason for living.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “I chose you not because I’m needy, but because I want to be with you. I’m totally committed to you and to us, but I have my own life, too. I’ve got to take care of myself, and I know that if I do, I can be a better partner for you.”
What you think he wants you to say: “Anyone who has a problem with you is stupid.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “I know that not everyone understands you, but I get who you are. I see the talents and accomplishments that not everyone notices, and I see that there are parts of yourself that you don’t like. And I love and accept you for all of that.”
What you think he wants you to say: “Weaknesses? What weaknesses? I think you’re perfect.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “We both know that nobody’s perfect. And sure, I’m aware of your weaknesses. But you can trust me not to exploit them. Whether we’re talking about today, or tomorrow, or years from now, I won’t use your shortcomings as ammunition to hurt you.”
What you think he wants you to say: “You are so smart. I agree with all your opinions and everything you say.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “I respect you and your opinions enough to tell you when I disagree with you. And even if we see things differently, we can use those differences to learn from each other and grow. After all, we both know that a strong relationship is made up of two authentic individuals who are sharing themselves in an honest way, at a very deep level. So there’s no way that we’re going to always agree. But we can manage our differences well, so that they actually help us grow closer together.”
What you think he wants you to say: “I’ll always be the same girl you fell in love with.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “I’ll keep changing and growing so I’ll always be someone you find interesting. I’m going to expose myself to new ideas and always keep searching for new information and knowledge that will help me improve myself. And I expect you to do the same. That way, we will always be learning from each other and finding new ways to enrich ourselves, each other, and our relationship.”
What you think he wants you to say: “You know how to turn me on better than any lover I’ve ever had. There’s never been anyone as good as you, and there never will be.”
What the evolved man really wants you to say: “You know how to turn me on better than any lover I’ve ever had. There’s never been anyone as good as you, and there never will be.” (We’ve got to be realistic here. No man ever evolves beyond wanting to hear this.)
Let’s face it: Not all men are evolved, and no man acts in an evolved manner all the time. But the evolved man is out there. So if you find one, don’t make the mistake of underestimating him and treating him like a prehistoric Neanderthal. If you do, some other evolved woman just might swoop in and leave you with nothing but an empty cave.
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