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Wanted: Tall, Dark, Rich and Nice. Why Do Women Want It All?

Do you really have to make a lot of money, be dazzlingly attractive and drive an expensive car to get the girl? Yes and no. See what science says about the laws of attraction.

by Gian Gonzaga, PhD

I can still remember the moment clearly: college, sophomore year, during a post-party wrap-up with my friends. We were talking about what men and women want in sex and love. At one point the question “Do nice guys finish last?” came up. After some discussion, a friend of mine named Ashley (conveniently dating a fraternity brother) said, “Yes, but only in the short run.”

Being a nice guy, I didn’t believe her, since the hot girls always went for the well-connected, senior guys in my frat house, while at the time I was earning the record for strike-outs. And it seemed I at least had celebrity couples on my side. It didn’t matter if he was a famous actor, musician, athlete or artist, if he was older, well-established, and famous, his companion was a much younger femme fatale.

While we could explain celebrity matches by the craziness that simply is the celebrity culture, what about the rest of us, who live outside of the glossy magazines? No one should dispute the notion that women prefer partners who have more resources and men tend to advertise it when looking for a partner. Research can back me up, too: a study on messaging in newspaper personal ads (ah, life before the Internet) showed that men tend to advertise the amount of resources they have (or can get) by talking about how much money they make or listing a high-profile career. In their singles ads, women tend to ask for men with more resources. If you ask both sexes around the world, women will always prefer men with more resources.

Now, before the women start to protest, imagine a smart, handsome, kind man who makes you laugh while cooking you dinner, gainfully employed in a high-profile career. Great, right? Now imagine him in a menial job with no chance of promotion. Which one looks more attractive?

Since my college days, there has been a lot of research (both in the universities and in the bars) on what women want most in their romantic partners. Turns out our inspiration for a mate may be in our genes. Researchers David Buss and David Schmitt took an evolutionary perspective, stating that as far back as prehistoric times women have had to strategize about their mates. Since they are at risk of getting pregnant and having the father take off, they are biologically driven to find a man who can not only provide good genes, but also invest his resources in a relationship with their children. In their work, Buss and Schmitt found that men who were older, displayed more ambition, and had greater financial prospects were always preferred over the alternatives.

It doesn’t hurt to look good, either. Features labeled as “classically male” (i.e., square jaw, strong cheekbones, and large eyebrows) are an indication of high levels of testosterone and healthy genes. Studies suggest that men with these features are more dominant and sexually assertive. Researchers initially thought this meant that dominant men would be the most attractive. After all, dominant men would be more likely to acquire resources. And when given the choice between a dominant man and submissive man, women preferred a dominant man.

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