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The Single Most Important Dimension for Making a Relationship Work

You’re probably aware that eHarmony bases much of our matching choices for you on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility. But what does that mean? And is there any one dimension that supercedes the rest?

Whether you just discovered eHarmony yesterday or have used the service for several months, you’re probably aware that eHarmony bases much of our matching choices for you on 29 Dimensions of Compatibility.

But what does that mean? And is there any one dimension that supercedes the rest?

The fact is EVERY couple gets together because of compatibility. If you were painfully incompatible with a particular person, you probably wouldn’t make it past the first date. Whether we know it consciously or not, most individuals are searching for approximately five dimensions of compatibility.

Sense of humor

Ability to be pleasantly social

Physical attraction

Status

Kindness

If, in the course of several dates together, each person discerns compatibility in these five areas, a relationship is usually born. And it naturally follows that a large number of marriages are based on compatibility, in these five areas as well. So when we say that almost every marriage is based on compatibility it is this narrow compatibility that usually serves as the springboard for two people to move forward together.

For two people who are dating and living apart, these five traits may seem like enough. But with a serious relationship comes the challenges of living together, mixing finances, sharing responsibility and, often times, raising children. Over the years, each of these events turn up the level of stress between two people, and they learn sooner or later, that five dimensions of compatibility doesn’t give them the stability and common ground that they need to weather the storms of life.

At that point, the success of their relationship will often hinge on whether they were lucky enough to stumble into the kind of broad-based compatibility that gives relationships extra support-the kind of compatibility they didn’t even know existed.

So The Person Has to Be Just Like Me?

Of course not. It would be, in fact, impossible to find someone “just like you.” The idea is that every major area of your life where you and your significant other agree is like a deposit in the bank account of your relationship. And every major area where you disagree is like a withdrawal from that account. Is it okay to have several areas of disagreement? Sure. Any account can stand some withdrawals if the balance is nice and high. But if you have a large number of very different opinions in major areas of life, you’re going to draw that balance dangerously low.

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