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The Do's and Don'ts of Dealing with Your Ex

A breakup can leave you feeling vulnerable, lonely and otherwise not thinking straight. Here's how to handle the heartbreak, unexpected run-ins and the urge to seek revenge.

Everyone knows breaking up is hard to do. But staying in contact with your ex following a breakup? That's where things get really tricky. By remaining in each other's lives, you run the risk of a post-breakup rendezvous, holding onto feelings for your ex, and in general delaying your ability to heal and move on quickly (and without additional heartache). The following are some tips to help you avoid a post-breakup backslide into your ex's arms, and instead ease you into your happily ever after future:

Create new Boundaries

Your best defense after a breakup? Immediately create new boundaries with your ex. That means no phone calls, no e-mails, no texting, and definitely no late-night visits. Your ex is now your ex. That means it's time to “ex-tricate” him or her from your life.

What if you can't completely cut off contact because you have children together, run a business together, or work together? Your recovery is a little bit more challenging. But it's not impossible. You just have to create special new boundaries, only dealing with and talking to your ex when absolutely necessary about your common interests, i.e., the children, business, work. If your ex wants to know how you're handling the breakup? Shut him or her down. If he's curious whether you're dating again? Tell them it's none of their business. The same is true for you. Don't pry into your ex's post-breakup recovery. Just as you deserve to heal and move on, so does your ex. Give your ex the space and time to do so.

Avoid Being Each Other’s Crutch

You loved, you lost, you're now in mourning. A word of warning when you're in post-breakup mourning: DO NOT seek comfort in the arms of your ex. That's a huge recovery no-no! Instead, recruit a support system from your inner circle of friends, preferably friends who have your best interests at heart and won't report back to your ex on your progress and setbacks. This is actually one of the single most important steps you can follow during your breakup recovery. To heal and move on, you're going to need help. That help should NOT come in the form of your ex. The same is true for you. If your ex calls, emails, texts, or stops by seeking comfort for his broken heart? Don't open your arms. Instead, kindly but firmly let him know that you are no longer his go-to support system. Then shut the door on any and all opportunities to help each other heal following the breakup.

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