Smothering - Can You Love Too Much?

Some people think that love comes in the form of frequent phone calls, text messages and joined-at-the-hip partnership. This isn't love, it's smothering. Explore the fine line between caring and stifling.


Print Email RSS
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Page: 12Next >>

There’s no such thing as loving someone too much.  There is such a thing, though, as too much smothering.  And smothering can definitely scare someone away. 

So what does it mean to really love someone, and when does love turn into smothering? 

Smothering, ultimately, isn’t about love, but about selfishness.  When you love someone, you want what’s best for the person, even if that means the relationship looks different from what you had in mind.  In contrast, when you smother, you prioritize your own needs for closeness or connection, as opposed to what the other person wants or needs.  This is one reason people can get scared away and run from a relationship.

So let’s look at some differences between smothering and love.

Smothering takes.  It’s selfish.  When you smother, you’re really not considering the other person’s feelings and desires.  You may feel like you’re showing love, but if you’re being motivated by your own insecurity about the relationship or your own fears about losing this person, then you’re probably more in the smothering camp.

Love gives.  It’s generous.  It prioritizes the other person’s freedom and autonomy.  When you love, you’re willing to do whatever is best for the person you care for, even if that means you don’t get exactly what you want, exactly when you want it.

Smothering demands.  When you smother, you constantly ask about the future, insisting on specific answers and results.  You also demand attention or reassurance from the other person, requiring repeated statements of proof of their commitment level or feelings for you.

Love patiently waits.  When you love, you enjoy the present, allowing the other person and the relationship to progress at a comfortable pace.  You wait for both of you to become ready for a certain level of intimacy, instead of asking for premature answers or commitments that can put pressure on the other person and scare him or her away.

Page: 12Next >>
Rate this article:
starstarstarstarhalfstar
 (Avg: 4.4 out of 5)
Print Email RSS
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Comments

112 comments on “Smothering - Can You Love Too Much?”


Leave a Comment

YOU WILL BE PROMPTED TO REGISTER OR LOG IN WHEN POSTING

Watch this topic

Recent comments on this article

Read all comments

Sunflower4

Small little town in Nebraska

Posts: 8

See Profile

I am a smotherer and did not even know it. I thought I was just showing my love with all of the "I love you"s, touching and hand holding. He has been my friend for 20 years and we recently began an intimate relationship, at his suggestion, after my husband passed away. Everything was going great except that he kept insisting he was "single" and enjoyed it that way. He's been single for 12 years now...not even a girlfriend. I stressed that I was not looking for a committed relationship right away either so it worked for both of us. I fell in love and he is still "single". We are still best friends, but have put a halt on the intimacy for now. He claims that HE was getting too close and needs to "slow things down". I was scared that this meant it was over. Reading this article shows me that maybe I was smothering him. Now I know to back off and let the relationship develop a little slower...at his pace. Even though he was the one to suggest the intimate relationship to begin with and he was the one that suggested we move in together (it took me 3 weeks to agree...its a huge step for me) which we didn't end up doing yet because he wants to slow down now. I am more than a little confused, but I will now make sure not to smother. If anyone has any further advice...please let me know.

- July 24, 2008 04:20 PM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation


13ofhearts

Gander, NL

Posts: 2

See Profile

Me and my girlfriend were together for about a year and a half, and I was a smotherer. At first, she enjoyed all the attention and didn't mind that I didn't want her to leave my sight, but after a while she grew tired of it and wanted it less. She started drifting away, and I started smothering her more because of it. Of course I didn't realize I was doing this at the time and I still thought everything was perfect, but then she broke up with me a few weeks later because of it.

- July 22, 2008 07:49 PM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation


horsesense

Posts: 14

See Profile

pgafuture123 wrote:

In my most recent relationship of about 6 months, I became a smotherer. In the beginning she reciprocated all the loving and adoration, but over time she changed. But the thing that throws me off is that at one time it was ok. I fully appreciate another's right to have a change of heart, it's just unfortunate to let someone in so close and then have a major change of motive. We still see each other somewhat often and are still engaging in relations. I also know that she's been seeing her ex here and there, and she lies to me about what she's doing when she goes there or is very vague. We aren't officially together by any means and it's my opinion that she's free to do as she wishes. I would too if I had eyes for another, but I don't. My matches aren't filling up as quickly as I'd like, and I'm not going to Alaska...lol. I've been giving her space and waiting on her to contact me which she does on a regular basis. Am I crazy if I still want to pursue a relationship with her? I do. I feel as if we have an incredible chemistry and we nearly always get along. We've only had one major fight (all verbal) and we were able to make ammends, that was around Thanksgiving. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

You have all of the classic signs! She lies to you! and she is seeing her ex! What more proof do you need? Dont try to force yourself on her! Back off! give her as much space as she want! Dont smother her with phone calls and appearances at her front door! or text messages, ect. You already know what has happened! She is just not interested and you wont let go! Its time! let go! and move on! Why should want to be with someone who has to lie! and be evasive! Get a grip! and move on!

- July 14, 2008 11:18 AM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation


112 comments so far » read more