Singlehood, Valentine's Day and the Good Life
Single? Don't get down on Valentine's Day. Use February 14th to celebrate your commitment towards finding a healthy and worthwhile relationship. Aren't you worth it?
There's a change in the way single Americans are looking at life. The old ideas about society's expectations are giving way to a new mindset, a new idea about one of life’s most important decisions—finding a soul mate.
The "needing" a mate to survive has transformed into "wanting" a soul mate to create a brilliant, loving relationship. The idea that you can fix a mate once you’re married and the relationship is entrenched is fading as more people insist on choosing emotionally healthy marriage candidates. And perhaps most importantly, singles are looking for mates who are similar to them in the ways that really matter most for long term happiness.
Many singles dread Valentine’s Day. They see it as a reminder that they don't have a special person sharing their life. They see all the romantic celebration around them and feel left out and sad.
But this year, if you are single, we ask you to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way that will turn your thinking upside down. You are going to use Valentine’s Day for your own purposes to celebrate the changes you’re making in your search for someone special.
You're Celebrating Your Decision to Select with Care
Most relationships are born based on 4 or 5 compatible traits (usually appearance, status, personality and chemistry). Based on eHarmony’s research, there are 29 critical dimensions in which most happy and successful couples enjoy great similarity. Once you start to learn about these traits your mate selection process changes forever.
We firmly believe and our clinical research has shown that individuals who are well matched in these 29 areas have more enjoyable marriages. They share so much similarity that the mechanics of living together and loving each other just work well.
By celebrating this change in your thinking you’re virtually guaranteeing that you will never end up in a marriage where the differences between you and your spouse tear the relationship to pieces.
55 comments on
“Singlehood, Valentine's Day and the Good Life”
I really liked this article since I must say as an eHarmony member, I've met some wonderful guys who in the past would have been good enough for me but since joining here and reading so many articles I understand that good enough would not keep a marriage from falling apart. Thanks for this great article! :)
- February 18, 2008 08:17 AM
This was the best Valentine's Day of my 59 year life. And yes, I am still single. Got a great discount on a deluxe king room at a ski resort 50 miles from home. Almost stayed home and had a pity party whena guy I'd been seeing had to back out. Then a snowstorm almost closed the roads. But I figured it was paid for and I hate waste so I persevered. The place was beautiful. Since eating out alone on the 14th MIGHT have been hard, I treated myself to room service for the first time in my life. Soaked in an outdoor jacuzzi under blue skies the next morning and used the huge bathroom to color my own hair. Got to drive a 2008 Volvo for free for 3 hours and enjoy the Sirius. Found a wonderful Steakhouse for lunch and spent $10 on a perfect sirloin. In short I TREATED MYSELF THE WAY I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED. No pressure. No schedules. Total control of the remote, time to shop and sightsee, no conflict or feeling I had to put someone else first. When I got back to reality I found a female friend had sent me a package with sugarless chocolates and a necklace....icing on the cake. Life is about learning to make lemonade and I believe we get out of it what we need most when we open ourselves to the possibilities.
- February 17, 2008 01:51 AM
So I do already have my 10 Laminated list!
1. He must have a college education.
2. He must have have a job he is happy with.
3. He must have his own house.
4. I have to like him as a friend first.
5. There has to be chemistry.
6. He has to believe in monogamy.
7. He has to like children. (I have two)
8. He has to like being alone as much as he like being with me.
9. He has to be a non smoker.
10. And last but not least ... He has to be able to hold a conversation for longer than 10 minutes on a topic of interest.
And why do I have this list? Because I did "settle" for the next instead of waiting for the "right" one. It is OK to be single!!!
Good luck to you! Maybe Fairies or Santa Claus will make you one for X-mas next year!! Chemistry and friends first are contradictory. Chemistry are signs of more than a friend, perhaps a closer attraction. If you want friends, grab all you want, If you want a relationship, that goes much deeper than just friends. Having 2 children is a package deal only a Saint would touch with his Miracle Hand. You will be here next year, trying again thinking it will all be different. It never changes sweetheart! The sooner we all wake up and deal with our own actual realitys and not this Fantasy of finding a person like they do in the commercials, things will turn around. People think that by answering a few questions actually can match people together accurately??? We have a CHOICE how to answer these questions and ponder how people will respond and react to them. Therefore custom making these lists of what and who we want, when we haven't even described ourselves accurately. Who the heck are we? The mother at home carting around 2 kids, working full-time, making breakfast and supper, responsibility 24/7 or the girl who likes long walks on the beaches, sunsets, good conversation, the ocean, no drama or game playing, honesty a must. Do I have to go any further? The fantasy will ultimately leave you alone with your 2 kids wondering why such a great catch as you hasn't had some nice together guy come scoop you up and your 2 kids to take care of them & love them as their own. Reality-Live it!!!
- February 16, 2008 05:22 PM
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