Seeking Women Who are Right for You

Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you'll make but the path to finding that person isn't always as straightforward as you'd hope.

by eHarmony Staff

Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll make but the path to finding that person isn’t always as straightforward as you’d hope. If you seem to constantly gravitate toward the wrong relationship choice it’s time to take charge of your romantic life by seeking women who are right for you.

When seeking women, set a goal.

Relationships are hard work. Put your commitment to find someone into action and set a goal for the relationship you want to have and the type of woman you are seeking. Just like in other facets of your life, setting goals sets a commitment and gives you direction. Forget about intermittently dating to pass the time, set a purpose to date women who you could see potentially having a committed relationship with.

When seeking women, spend time self-examining.

Honestly assess yourself—are you radiating the same attributes that you are seeking in a woman? For example, you can’t expect to find a happy, secure and confident catch if you don’t think of yourself the same way. Forget the artificial, sure looks are what initially attract you to a potential mate, and there has to be some level of attraction in a relationship, but if you’re seeking a woman who is right for you in the long term, reach outside of your old paradigm and look at the total package.

Don’t let it be Groundhog Day forever.
Identify patterns from your previous relationships that didn’t work and actually correct them by steering clear of people who exhibit them. Recognize the personality traits that you are drawn to and decide if those are healthy or unhealthy matches for you. Take a look at the pace of your past relationships and how they advanced; do you jump in to fast or do you wait by the sidelines and miss the opportunity?

Listen.
If you’re seeking a woman who is right for you, a simple way to find out if you have a potential match is to simply listen. Just listening to a woman on the first few dates when you are getting to know each other can tell you a lot about the other person. Be engaged in the conversation and ask for more details. The beginning of a relationship is the time to find out if she’s the right woman for you and if it makes sense to continue to date and take the relationship to the next level.

Seeking Women: Is she right for you long term?

Finding someone you can have a good time with can meet the need for instant gratification that you may crave, but if you want to find someone you can have long term happiness with it’s important to know yourself and what your goals for the future are. Compare those goals to your potential partners because having the same life priorities is key if you want a deep and lasting connection. Don’t manufacture chemistry that just isn’t there. If she’s not the right one for you, it’s time to move on and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else who truly is your perfect fit. Remember that attaching yourself to someone isn’t going to make you instantly complete. Continuing to date someone you don’t see a future with will lead to inevitable disappointment for the both of you.

What do you do once you’ve found her?
Once you’ve found relationship success, keep communicating, make your intentions for the future known and always keep mutual respect for one another the foundation on which to grow.

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