SEARCH

Dating AdviceDiscussion BoardsPeopleGroups

FOR:

Picking Apart the Pick-Up Artist

We know, we know. Pick-up artists preach some dating tactics that are all wrong. But other tips just happen to be dead-on and effective. Find out how to separate the bad from the good and improve your game tonight.

by eHarmony Staff

You may be familiar with the "Pick-Up Artist" phenomenon sweeping the nation. It's everywhere lately - the bookshelves, talk shows and reality TV. Once merely a secret society that flitted about the hazy glow of dance clubs, the self-professed pick-up artists, with monikers like "Mystery," "Style" and "Matador," have in recent years gone above ground, leading expensive lectures and writing best-sellers about how to effortlessly meet, date and bed beautiful women.

And we're paying attention-not just because the subject matter is racy, but because at least some of these techniques seem to actually work. That lead us to consider: can the pick-up artists really help the average Joe who wants to get a date? Are the relationship skills that someone named "Matador" preaches even healthy and desirable to learn?

We've actually found that the introductory lessons in most pick-up artist arsenals can be very useful and surprisingly wholesome. But any man who wants to find lasting relationship success would be wise to stick to these basics, and to avoid the "seduction culture" advice that precludes real commitment and long-term love. Here are some basic dating do's and don'ts to glean from these self-anointed lotharios.

How to Act

DO dress for success.
Perhaps the most broad and applicable suggestion bandied about by all the pick-up artists is to dress well. Everyday, women flock to various clothing stores, make-up aisles and hair salons to beautify themselves for their own edification, for the appreciation of their fellow women, and to attract men-and they certainly appreciate a man who returns the favor by presenting themselves well in public. It shows that the man is making an effort. It conveys that he's got self-confidence and pride. And it separates him from all the immature boy-men who still dress like they're hanging out near the keg at a college party. Most of the pick-up artists even suggest dressing like a "peacock," wearing an item of clothing that will make you stand out. Even if it's just a nice pair of glasses, some tighter pants, or a shirt with a crisp collar, adding a bit of flair to one's outfit can never hurt one's chances with meeting someone special.

DON'T pretend to be someone you're not. One thing the pick-up artists command of their disciples, which should be avoided at all cost, is creating an "avatar" of one's self. Do you ever chat with your friends online, and notice that their caricature or avatar in the chat box is thinner, hipper, and more well-groomed than they themselves have ever been? The pick-up artists take this one step further, encouraging guys to adopt a real-world character that's smooth, honed and based on a lot of made-up stories ("gambits" in some pick-up artist lexicons) told to impress the ladies. Ultimately, we suppose this is not much different than the decades-old suggestion from marketing/business books, of "branding" oneself to create an image of success that people can buy into. And there's little doubt that if done correctly, a well-crafted public-facing persona can be just as successful in getting a phone number from a woman as in landing a lucrative freelance gig.

However, a relationship, or even dating someone interesting, is not a business transaction. It's a process whereby two people get to know each other and enjoy being themselves together. Sure, it's good to smile, talk yourself up and be confident when dating. But if you're suppressing your real love for old jazz and French spy movies, and instead lie about yourself to boost your perceived value, then the woman you're wooing is falling for the façade only. At what point will she realize she's been duped and commence to dump you? And at what point will it get tiresome to impress someone with lies, when you're just dying to talk about Monty Python or J.R.R. Tolkien? Playing a role when meeting women is a real roadblock to true relationship success.

Page:

1

2

Next >>