Print
Email
RSS
Unfortunately, there’s no time machine that lets us travel backward and unsay something we wish we hadn’t said. And harsh words can be especially painful in the context of a relationship when spoken by someone we count on for constant love and support.
The Don’ts of Fighting Fair
DON’T BRING UP PAST GRIEVANCES. If you two are arguing about money, don’t bring up that issue about how much your partner drank at the party last week. Injecting something else into the argument won’t help you sort out the current problem. It’ll just prolong the conflict.
DON’T GO FOR THE JUGULAR. This is a basic when it comes to fighting fair. All of us can get caught up in the moment and aim for a weak spot where we know can cause maximum pain. But in a relationship built on support and trust, it’s crucial that you resist this urge, even when you’re at your angriest. There’s nothing at all wrong with being upset and showing it. It’s even OK to sometimes yell about your feelings. But stick to the facts of the argument. When you move to personal attacks, you’ve crossed a line.
DON’T TELL YOUR PARTNER HOW THEY SHOULD THINK OR FEEL. This is a sure way to get someone upset with you, telling the person that his or her feelings are ridiculous or that they aren’t valid, or that the person should think differently. Remember — your partner is trusting you with his or her feelings, so it’s important that you listen to and respect what you’re hearing.
DON’T INTIMIDATE. It’s never OK to try to win an argument by using threats — either stated or implied, emotional or physical — instead of working out the problem between you. A healthy relationship thrives on real intimacy and mutual respect, neither of which can exist in a threatening atmosphere.
| Page: | 1 | 2 | Next >> |
I justifed my verbal abuse. In the moment I'm usually angry/hurt because he's always, and that's not a generalization, selfish, extremely stubborn, emotionally abusive, and acts as if he doesn't care about my feelings unless I'm crying. Only then does he actually act like he feels bad. My reasons for justifiying my verbal abuse were because he cheated on me a couple times a couple years ago, which absolutely devastated me, and when he got caught he didn't even try to make it up to me. That's why I haven't forgiven him for it. He didn't act remorseful or sorry. He said he was sorry, but his actions didn't show it. He's also borrowed thousands of dollars from me and never even tried to pay me back. He's excluded me from his family and friends. He spends his money on drinking and going out, and seldom spends money on me. He doesn't spend much time with me either. He's given me an STD. He also knows I'm extremely insecure because he doesn't show me that he loves me. Show me, as in spending time with me, hugging me, kissing me, giving me a card or birthday present on my birthday, telling me he loves, etc. Those were my justifications.
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments