Open Communication Timing
Dear eHarmony,
I am now in the Open Communication stage with some of my matches. It has been about one week since I have communicated and I haven�t heard anything from my matches since then. How long does it take, on average for matches to respond while in Open Communication? How long should I wait for the response before closing communication?
Sincerely,
Jackie in New York City
by eHarmony Staff
Question
Dear eHarmony,
I am now in the Open Communication stage with some of my matches. It has been about one week since I have communicated and I haven’t heard anything from my matches since then. How long does it take, on average for matches to respond while in Open Communication? How long should I wait for the response before closing communication?
Sincerely,
Jackie in New York City
Answer
Dear Jackie,
The timing of each step of the entire Guided Communications process depends on the online habits and interest of an individual match. When sending communications, it’s a good idea to wait at least 7 to 10 days for a response. Lack of response from match does not always mean disinterest—work and vacation schedules, online access issues and other personal habits and events can sometimes slow down the communications process.
What you can do is send a "Nudge" to your match if you haven’t heard back within the 7- to 10-day time period. A Nudge will send an e-mail notice to your match reminding him that you are waiting to hear from him. After sending the Nudge, it is a good idea to wait another 7 to 10 days to hear back from your match.
Another option to closing an unresponsive match is to keep them open. We have heard from many happy and successful eHarmony couples who first began their relationship in a similar situation: one person had sent a communication but the other had not responded, and sometimes for as long as a month!
Nikki and Rik are one such example: Rik had initiated communication and she kept putting off responding to him because of a busy work schedule. Nikki and Rik came to visit us here at eHarmony in person a few months ago, and when they shared their story, Nikki said that even though she did not communicate with Rik right away, there was definitely something about his profile that made her keep it open. So, my advice to you, Jackie, is if there is something special about one of your unresponsive matches that catches your eye or imagination, even after giving him a Nudge, you might want to wait it out for a bit a see where things could go.
All the best,
eHarmony Advice Editor
37 comments on
“Open Communication Timing”
I just joined eharmony, this past September. I have had some of the same issue, as the woman writing in this post. I am currently, in open communication with two of my matches. Each one for different reasons are a little slow, at getting back with me. but Due to how busy they are with their daily lives. One is taking night classes at a online college. And the other due to work, can't check the eharmony site on regular bases. There have been times I did not hear from them for about two weeks. So I would say it may not be so simple, to just say there is no interest on the mans part. Have you tried the nudge, to let them know you are still interested in them? If not give it try, I have used the nudge a few times. Sometimes it worked and sometimes not. One of the matches that I am currently talking,with is because of a reminder nudge. Now we are in open communication. I would try to give them a some more time to respond. Hope this is of some help to all of you? GOOD LUCK TO ALL
- November 05, 2009 05:37 PM
I don't like to spend much time in email and even less time on the phone before (safely) meeting someone.
But it appears that your fella forgot that an even more important goal is to make your match [i]want[/i] to meet you. You were right to close him.
- November 05, 2009 04:17 PM
I have gone throught the guided communication process with a man that seemed interesting. WHen it came time to email each other he wrote: "This is how I want things to go down...we have a couple phone calls and we meet." I stated that I wanted to get to know him a little better, aside from the programed questions, to be safe. (besides thinking he was a little controlling/pushy) He became angry and stated he did not respond back immediately because he felt he didn't have to prove himself for "safety's sake." He wrote me a couple nasty emails and I closed out. I think he raised a huge red flag and I am glad I trusted my instincts. Do most men find a woman being a little cautious insulting? I just wanted to talk a little and know something about him before we met.
- November 05, 2009 01:46 PM
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