Love at Work

It's too bad to see all the negatives on here about inter-office romances. Perhaps, though, we should differentiate between "inter-office hookups/ flings" and "inter-office relationships". Both are discussed here and it seems like there are two negative camps- one spouting hackeyed phrases like "don't dip your pen in the compnay inkwell" and the other talking about relationships that were either with the wrong person and/or were more sexually based.

So we have two quite different situations. One, the hookup, is almost NEVER advisable because, yes, that can create a VERY awkward situation and it is generally not worth "blowing your capital" for something as shallow as that. Go to a bar if you want that kind of action! The relationship- and I mean something with substance, a venture rooted in personal appreciation and attraction- can be fine if done the right way, with the right person. I personally have some success stories. A good friend of mine spent five years or so with a woman that he originally worked with. They almost got married but found that they had some different goals in life. My brother married a woman from a different department at his organization, and she actually ended up supporting his team later on (they too have been together for about 5 years and married for one). Although I don't condone the origin, when my parents divorced, my father became involved with a woman from work and they have been together for over 20 years and are now married, though my father left the company some years ago for reasons unrelated to the relationship.

And yes, for you people that like to dig, I got decapitated on this board for telling the story about "Heather" that I work with...as I said neither of us were looking for it- but we have become something like best friends- and there is an undeniable mutual attraction there that has been far from acted on fully. Oh we tease and flirt like hell (though not on the work floor), go to lunch, coffee runs, out after work sometimes. We can wait, she has to finalize her divorce which has been in process for months, and I have told her this. She has agreed, though, to give things a try when she is "free" but for now we are still having a blast, four months into this thing. We have a fairly young (25-40) office, sometimes high pressure, financial sales on a fun, loud floor that yes can get stressful, but we are valuable assets to each other. I am one of the top account managers and she is on her way to doing well also. I think that contrary to some other postings, at least she and I- and the sales board- benefit from our synergy. We are well behaved at work, but everyone knows that we are close- how close is none of their business- though at the same time many of us on the floor are friendly and joking all day long as a survival mechanism on The Street...and our relationship fits right in.

So as I said, it is a yellow light- not a red light issue. Not a great idea to look for a cheap lay in the office, but if you find someone with a mutual personal ass well as romantic attraction and compatibility, there is no reason not to pursue it in a prudent manner, remembering to keep work responsibilities first while on the job, and always behaving respectfully and professionally even if the relationship is not forever.

I am in a similiar situation. I worked with a friend from church for about a year and a half. We saw each other at work (at least 8 hours a day), worked in the same areas at church (there's another 10-11 hours a week), hung out with the same friends (another 4-8 hours a week), and on days when we did not see each other we were usually texting. To make a long story short I fell for him, hard. My friends and family saw it months before I did, and only the announcement that he was leaving forced me to admit that I had learned to love him. I told him how I felt (by this point we were going out to eat together at least once a week but usually 2 or 3 times a week, all the while claiming it was just as friends; and confiding things in each other that no-one else knew). He told me thank you and that he wanted to just remain friends. He left for a while, but came back to work 2 weeks ago. Thankfully he is leaving in a couple weeks again; but in the meantime it has made an already stressful work environment even more stressfull. One morning he came in, hugged everyone of my co-workers (I work in a small business) but didn't even acknowledge me. When I said hi I was completely ignored. The next day he asked to borrow my car and like an idiot I tossed him the keys. That is when he told me he was taking another girl out to lunch and had forgotten he didn't have a way to pick her up. Now I feel used and hurt.

Bottom line- I would not recommend working with a friend of the opposite sex...and if you do, make sure that there are plenty of activities that you two are doing away from each other.