Print
Email
RSS
Question
Dear Dr. Warren, I go on lots of first dates and I usually have a good time. Sometimes there’s a kiss at the end. Sometimes there isn’t. But the women almost always tell me they had a great time. They seem to be having fun, but when I call for a second date . . . they seem to disappear. What is going on?
Sincerely,
Mike in Long Island
Answer
Dear Mike,
The Three "A’s"—Appearance, Attitude and Aptitude If you find that women do seem to have a good time with you on a first date but decline to take it any further, begin to think about how you present yourself to another person sitting across from you. Try to step outside of yourself for a moment, and look at the basics about yourself: your appearance, your attitude and your communication style.
- Appearance is a touchy subject, but it’s important to remember that everyone has their best features as well as some other features that could be improved upon. First and foremost, focus on your best features. If you’ve been told you’ve got great blue eyes, wear a shirt or sweater that complements them. Update your style a bit—try something new with your hair or buy a few new items of clothing that you look and feel great wearing. Next, check your hygiene. Do the breath test and check your nails. Do you wear too much aftershave?
- How about your attitude—do you come across as overconfident or not confident enough? Do you come across as disinterested or overeager? Do you seem aloof or personable? Are you overly nervous to a fault? These are some of the important questions that you want to ask yourself to get a better sense of seeing how you might best come across. Making improvements to your appearance and behavior is not about being someone else; it’s about putting the very best version of you out there. And while there is no one-size-fits-all combination for everybody, a little practice and a whole lot of observation will help you shape your first dates into the second and third dates that you’re seeking.
- Next, take a look at your communication skills. Are you an effective communicator? Communication aptitude is a 2-way street: you have to be a good listener and a good speaker. A great communicator knows the right time to listen and the right time to speak, and also knows the difference between speaking about oneself too much and expressing genuine interest by asking questions and really listening to what the other person is saying. There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone who talks about themselves incessantly—it comes across more like a monologue than a dialogue. Above all, the best conversations between two people happen when both people are interested in getting to know more about the other. So the next time you’re on a date, watch your conversation style. Are you an effective communicator?
Page: 1 2 Next >>
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments