Jaded? Rediscover the Excitement of Dating
Are you starting to feel a little burned-out from your online dating efforts? Whether you're getting more matches than you can handle or less than you expected, the process can take its toll. We explore the causes behind this common letdown and offer some suggestions for putting the spark back in your mouse.
Worn out and weary from online dating? The truth is, you are not alone. You stand with millions of men and women who are using online dating to find their soul mates and discovering that it can be -WORK.
Why is the soul mate search so full of trials and tribulations? Because you're not searching for a casual date. You want something meaningful, that has potential, and this sets the bar for success much higher. People who might have been "good enough" in the past don't make the grade. As time passes and you explore possibilities and meet new people, it's not uncommon to wake up one day and think, "The thrill is gone."
For most people these jaded, burned-out feelings are linked to fatigue. Football coach Vince Lombardi said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all," and he was right. If you're burning the candle at both ends, and letting your mental and physical resources run low, the energy that it takes to sustain a positive outlook toward finding your soul mate will be the first thing to go.
In fact, online dating can accelerate the feeling of dating burnout by offering you a faster way to meet people and move through the stages of dating. For many online daters it's not uncommon to communicate with five or six potential matches via email, exchange several phone conversations, and experience one or two real-life dates - all in one week. Add to this schedule a full week of work and life responsibilities and it's easy to see how burnout can creep in.
Getting the Thrill Back
Treat your soul mate search as a marathon instead of a sprint. It's important that you think about your long-term endurance and organize your efforts in a strategic fashion.If you feel like you're already in the "jaded zone," here are some helpful ways to rekindle your spark for dating:
1. Pace yourself
One of the reasons for your jaded outlook may simply be the pace at which you're communicating and dating.It can be tempting to book every spare moment with a date-related activity. It can be enticing to fill every workday pause with an online trip to check your matches. Searching for a soul mate is, by its nature, an exciting exercise; your adrenaline starts to flow at just the thought of a potential new person. But over time, these moments of excitement can leave us with a roller-coaster hangover.
Make sure you balance your efforts so your soul mate search isn't the only interesting thing on your weekly calendar. It may be difficult to measure your efforts in this regard, but if you spend all your energy sprinting in the first two miles of your soul mate search, it can be very hard to stay in the race for the duration.
261 comments on
“Jaded? Rediscover the Excitement of Dating”
LawyerDan desert outlaw
Palm Desert, Ca
Posts: 1968
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- August 19, 2008 02:37 PM
By the time I got to the end of all this I forgot what the article was about- something about dating burnout and how to revive it. Whatever. eharmony you need to just have an open forum page. At the end of every article you post, most of the replies have nothing to do with the subject matter-including this one. So, for my 2 cents- I have been a member off and on for 2 years- when I am not a member I TURN OFF the matches- but not everyone does and occasionally some will even note this in their "other info for you to know" section.
- December 31, 2007 04:22 PM
I was on e-harmony for 3++ months from July until October 2007; a couple things that I think I figured out regarding individuals who
never respond. E-harmony continues to match your profile even when
you're no longer on the service. If I am not mistaken this constitutes fraud, as it represents people who no longer are even technically members as they cannot respond unless they rejoin. So many of those individuals who never respond, simply may no longer be on the service, whether it was for financial reasons or who knows...whatever. But the guarantee for 3 matches doesn't specifically state 3 matches that are active on e-harmony.
As far as the getting frustrated, I can relate to many of the stories in this blog...but here's one for you, this still happens the old fashioned way too. A guy that I met through my job, then dated for a total of about 5 months off and on during a 9 month stretch, just stops communicating, never returns calls, NOTHING. He's 38 years old, was 37 when we started dating and an officer in law enforcement, (makes you trust the cops, huh?) How can so many people be so rude, absolutely self-serving and self-centered and never blink an eye. I agree with so many others in this blog, that this behavior is simply RUDE and COWARDLY...COULD THE REAL ADULTS PLEASE STAND UP????? Unfortunately I think that this behavior is rampant in our society at this time...there's no room in the ME ME ME mentality for any common courtesy or manners that our parents taught us back in the 70's.
- December 31, 2007 12:58 AM
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