SEARCH

Dating AdviceDiscussion BoardsPeopleGroups

FOR:

How to Fail at Falling In Love

Many people buy into the myth that being in love means being "complete." If you are waiting for that special someone to make you whole, you are almost guaranteed to fail at falling in love.

By attaching ourselves to another person, many needy singles believe, we become instantly whole. Complete. All our needs are met. Case closed. The enticement is too much for the needy to resist. Who can pass up a short-cut, as it were, to personal growth? No wonder so many drink the poison of this lie.

Take for example a woman we’ll call Rebecca. She was in her late twenties and was a study in misery. She’d dated a man we’ll call Tom a few times in college but nothing serious ever developed. A few years later, a job brought Tom back to Seattle where they attended the same church and began palling around. “We’re more than friends,” is the way she described it. “You could say we’re dating, but the sparks aren’t really flying, at least for Tom.” She talked about how Tom was focused more on his career in marketing than his relationships. In fact, he was now considering moving to Kansas City to enroll in a training program that would make him more attractive to potential employers. That’s what brought Rebecca into therapy.

After four months of quasi-dating in Seattle, Rebecca was considering a move to Kansas City to be with Tom. “My job is nothing to brag about,” she said, “and I have an aunt in KC who said I could stay in her spare room for a while.”

So yes: Rebecca was moving across the country for a man that had made no commitment to their relationship. The story is cringe-worth—how Rebecca longed for a relationship and how potentially painful such a decision could be. We explored other options for a few minutes, but she wasn’t interested. She didn’t want advice. Rebecca was headed to Kansas City—following her relocated knight in shining armor—and there was no talking her out of it.

Page:

1

2

Next >>