How to Divulge your Financial Worth or Debt

Talking about money is never fun, but it’s bound to come up when you are getting serious with your significant other. Whether you are drowning in debt or rolling in money, there’s a time and a place for broaching the very uncomfortable topic of financial worth.

When it comes to deciding when and how to talk about your financial situation, there are several factors to consider. One of the biggest questions has to do with how far you are into the relationship. So before we discuss the HOW, let’s focus first on WHEN to tell a new person in your life about your financial situation. We’ll discuss a relationship in its early stages, in its middle phase, and when it’s gotten more serious.

When to Divulge your Financial Worth or Debt

A relationship in its early stages: If you’re on a first date, there’s absolutely no reason to say something like, “Did you know I have a Roth IRA worth $51,000?” Likewise, you’re not required to confess, at the beginning of a relationship, that the amount you owe on your school loans rivals the GNP of certain small countries. In other words, there’s definitely such a thing as telling someone too soon exactly what your net worth (or lack thereof) is. One reason this can cause problems is that finances can so easily overshadow more substantive issues. In other words, a person who has just met you might be scared off by some financial debt; but after the person has gotten a chance to see the real you and to see the many positive characteristics you bring to the table, he or she will be better able to view your financial situation as only one part of the picture, rather than the whole thing. So keep in mind that there’s no reason to rush. When you’re getting to know someone, debts and assets don’t have to come up right off the bat.

A relationship in its middle phase: Early on, your financial situation is nobody else’s business. But as you get more serious with someone, it begins to become that person’s business. And you definitely don’t want the other person feeling that you’re hiding something or that you haven’t been honest. So if you feel that you two are reaching that point where you’d have concerns if the situation were reversed, then maybe it’s time to talk. Perhaps the biggest question to ask yourself is how much you trust the other person. If you can’t trust the person, rather, you just don’t trust him or her enough yet, then it’s probably not time to get into specific details. If, on the other hand, the trust between you is strong, then now might be a good time to be more forthcoming.

A relationship that’s gotten serious: Just as you can divulge your financial situation too early, it’s also possible to wait too long. You don’t want to become engaged to someone before letting your partner know that you’ve accumulated some sort of outrageous debt. So the borderline between when a relationship is in its middle phase and when it’s gotten serious is an important one. Financial details will come out eventually, so don’t wait too long to discuss your current situation. The last thing you want, especially in a relationship that’s becoming more serious and solid, is to make the other person feel misled or that you’ve been holding back important information.