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Things are going great with this new person in your life. In fact, you think they may be “the one.” Now, all of a sudden, you’re faced with some big decisions. Maybe they live in a different city and you wonder if you should move to be closer to them. Or maybe they’re allergic to cats, and now that they’re spending a lot of time at your place, you’re considering getting rid of your beloved Fifi.
Are your Feelings being Returned in Equal Measure?
It’s been said that love is a two-way street. Well, if you’re thinking about making some big sacrifices for this person in your life, you’d better make sure that when you send your love down the road, the other person’s love is coming right back toward you.
So take a moment and be completely honest with yourself. Would the other person make this kind of sacrifice for you? If the answer is yes, then that’s a good sign for the relationship. But if the answer is no, then it’s probably not quite time to start packing boxes or finding Fifi a new owner.
Have you been able to Really get to Know the Other Person?
If this relationship has begun recently, then it’s a good idea to at least explore the possibility that you haven’t had a chance to truly get to know this new person in your life. Even if you two have spent some intense moments discussing deep and important topics, there’s still a lot you don’t know about each other. There’s no shortcut to deeply knowing someone. This is something only time can make happen.
It’s a simple fact that most of us can and will put on our best faces when we’re first getting to know someone. That doesn’t mean that we’re not being authentic, or that we’re being fake. But it does mean that we can hide or de-emphasize some of our least attractive attributes and accentuate those that are most appealing. (Isn’t there a Chris Rock line that goes something like, “Early in a relationship, you’re not you, you’re the ambassador of you”?)
The point is that before you make a major move or decide to sacrifice in some significant way, make sure that you know the other person well enough so that you can be pretty confident in your decision and in the potential of the relationship.
Is this About More than “Being in Love”?
We’re sorry to argue with Hollywood and pop music, but being “in love” really isn’t what a successful relationship is about. In fact, being in love isn’t nearly enough to create a deep and long-lasting connection between two people. Being in love is abou
t feelings and emotions, and as we all know, these come and go. They’re temporary. What’s required to create a healthy relationship is commitment, good communication, honesty, trust, and lots of hard work. So ask yourself: Do you have a serious commitment from the other person and feel like they are willing to work hard at this relationship, even when the feelings aren’t as strong? Even when things between you are difficult?
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