How Far Should I Go For Long Distance Love?

My question is regarding long distance relationships. How much time should you spend with someone "in person" before deciding to relocate? We are very attracted to each other and feel we are compatible, but how do you relocate across the country for a "maybe"?

by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Clinical Psychologist and eHarmony Founder


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Dear Dr. Warren,

My question is regarding long distance relationships initiated on the Internet. How much time should you spend with someone "in person" before deciding to relocate? You can get to know someone over the phone and Internet, but I feel there are too many gaps that can only be filled by face to face interaction and that over an extended period. We are very attracted to each other and feel we are compatible, but how do you relocate across the country for a "maybe"?

--Brent, AK

Brent,

This is indeed an important question. For many years I have emphasized that long distance couples take some determined and comprehensive steps before making a commitment of any kind.

My first suggestion is that you create as many opportunities as possible for face to face interaction before either of you move. You are correct, the phone and Internet work well to keep in touch, but eventually it’s vital that you spend hours and hours of time together just being in the same place. There’s really no other effective way to determine if you are truly compatible.

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Scorpius

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Approximately 2179 statutory miles.

- September 18, 2008 09:45 PM
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ms_pretty_woman

calgary

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my take is this. if you both feel that you are right for each other, you know that you love each other, all else is taken into account and agreed upon, then all that has to be worked out between you is where you both will live. myself, i love the american way of life, and americans, so even though i am from canada, i would re-locate for the right individual or vice versa. there is always a way. if you really want to be together, you will. it could be challenging at first, with trust issues, possibly, as well as it is hard to be away from someone you care about for long periods of time, but it is a definite, for sure, possible. a friend of mine fell in love with a lady from holland, and it took 21/2 years but they were married and have been married and live in calgary since 1998. it is possible....

- July 27, 2008 10:37 PM
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WpgGal

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I just met in person my match this past week We are 700 miles apart and in two different countries. We spent a week together doing all the things a normal couple would do. It was comfortable and easy and there were some frustrations but we handled it all well. Then it was time for me to leave. IT was agonizing for both of us to leave each other. Before we met we talked on the phone for hours. Now we have limited it to text messages and a 5 minute nightly call (ok some nights it gioes longer). He is not a phone talker and says it hurts to talk it makes it unbearable and for me it feels unbearable not to hear his voice. He is planning on coming up here to visit soon we just havent set the date due to other family/work committments.

I have a child and he doesnt want me to sacrifice her life. YEt at the same time we know we are good for each other. I guess what I am saying is how do we keep this alive if one hates the phone and one likes/needs the phone talk.

Right now I know deep in m heart I have met a good man and am willing to go the distance. Neither of us have the patience and I know it will work out good. I'm not confused about him I am confused about the future. Help...

- July 09, 2008 04:01 AM
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