He's Dating Around. Should I Date Him?

Is it foolish for me to continue dating a man who is still seeing another woman? He has been completely honest about his involvement with both of us. We have only dated a few months but I am ready to date him exclusively.


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Is it foolish for me to continue dating a man who is still seeing another woman? He has been completely honest about his involvement with both of us. We have only dated a few months but I am ready to date him exclusively.

--Annie, MN

eHarmony has been designed so that we can introduce you to several potential relationship partners. We believe it is important for you to meet several highly compatible candidates during your search for a fulfilling and loving relationship. It is also normal to expect that while you are getting to know someone and deciding if they are right for you, they will also be dating others and making decisions about who is right for them.

Part of the process of choosing a person to pursue is gauging their interest in you. I believe that during the first two dates you can, simply by using your skills of observation, determine whether a person is actively interested in a serious relationship with you.

You mention in your letter that you’ve been dating this man for “several months.” I believe this is more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to pursue you or the other woman he is seeing. I would suggest that you politely ask him whether he is ready to commit to an exclusive relationship with you. If he cannot, after these months of dating, decide where his heart lies, I think that is a clear indication that he doesn’t share your interest in a long-term relationship.

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Retired2

Retired2 is at home.

Cincinnati

Posts: 5

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ruthartmusic wrote:

Truly it depends on what your own goals are for the relationship. YOU say you are "ready" to date him exclusively. Does that mean date him as he is now, as in, someone who "continues seeing" other women, as in, he's even possibly still looking elsewhere, beyond the two of you!-- or, you're ready to see him exclusively IF he changes. It's hard to see someone for what they REALLY are, separated out from who we WANT to see them as, i.e. who we think they should be, or especially, how-we-think-they-should-change-because-it-would-be-better-for-them-when-they-do-change-and-they'll-be-ultimately-happier-in-the-end-for-seeing-things-our-way. It's so hard to admit that THEY have to want to change FIRST. It has to come from inside of them, otherwise it will never be a change that sticks. See him for who he is TODAY, THIS MINUTE. and THEN ask yourself if you are really ready to see him exclusively. Doesn't sound like it works yet, does it. --Ruth (and yes, I've walked a mile (at least) in your exact shoes, and walked away, with no lasting regrets, tho the first 3-4 wks were HARD!!)(good luck...)

This helped me. I am tired of always making the social plans, and initiating the dinners either home cooked or out. When is he going to start the romancing of a wonderful woman instead of the other way around?

- July 31, 2008 05:00 PM
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snewatthis

Scottsdale

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It's one thing to date others, it's another thing to be sleeping or having sex with others. It all depends what you are looking for....honesty is the first step but for both of you. And then you each get to make the decision rather than just letting it be made for you.

- July 28, 2008 10:04 PM
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Chupa

Chupa wants to go fishing

Hoboken

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I think it truly depends on the situation. If you are just getting to know each other then I think it is OK to "play the field". However, if you have serious feelings then the talk needs to happen and either it becomes exclusive or it ends. Do not let yourself get hurt if you truly fall for the person but also do not prematurely rush into things. Just my 3 cents.
- April 01, 2008 08:32 PM
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