Empathy: From Brain to Brain and Heart to Heart

Being able to feel for others is pivotal to maintaining healthy relationships. It turns out that researchers can now explain the science of empathy.


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From Part 1 of our 4-part series, we know that empathy is the key to a solid and loving relationship. When we think of empathy, we think of the heart. But interestingly, there’s a science to it.

We recently sat around a conference table at the eHarmony Labs with six of the most prestigious relationship researchers in the country. Our purpose? To share our thoughts on what some are calling the new science of “neural calculus.”

Now, before we lose you at the very utterance of this mind-numbing phrase, hang in there for just a moment.

We’re not about to give you a lesson on social neuroscience. We simply want you to know that what we are sharing with you is brand new. Sure, empathy is as old as time but not the way we’re looking at it. Why? Because something new and exciting is beginning to brew in some of the most respected university research laboratories in North America. It’s not a cure for a biological disease, but it just may be a cure for whatever’s ailing your love life. And it promises to be revolutionary. We don’t say that glibly. We genuinely believe that you are about to learn the rudiments of a practice that will positively impact your relationship in countless ways. It’s a proven fact.

You see, until now neuroscience has studied just one brain at a time. But now two are being analyzed at once, unveiling a never-before-seen neural duet between the brains of a husband and wife as they interact.(1)

So why does this matter? Because this emerging new science holds startling implications for you and how you go about finding the love you want. It holds revolutionary secrets for bonding you and your potential partner brain to brain and heart to heart – quite literally

(1) See Daniel Golman's groundbreaking book, Social Intelligence (Bantam, 2007) where he unpacks in detail the new science of human relationships.

For more information on Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott and to get a copy of their new book, Trading Places, please visit realrelationships.com

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Alaska

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It can become scary by being able to tune into anothers "frequency" when you become emotionally envolved. You don't even have to be in close phyisical proximity to each other but can discerne "the frequency" amid the cacophony of brain generated noise. I guess this might be where the phrase "his ears were burning" might have come from. Mr. Lucas was probably closer to the truth when he wrote about feeling "a disturbance in the force." Not just empathy between individuals but using this love as a stepping stone to achieve greater mental ability to see God or Truth. I belive the feeling of "oneness" with another can lead to much greater knowledge.

- August 01, 2008 08:17 AM

Arlington, VA

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Natch wrote:

Empathy: Monkey see, monkey do.

That's what it all boils down to. Ever see someone cry? Doesn't it want to make you cry for no reason?

Exactly.

Natch - what you are describing isn't empathy. Although someone who empathizes with someone else may share his or her tears, it's from putting him/herself in that person's place; from truly identifying with and understanding that person's situation and his or her pain (or joy, for that matter, if they are tears of joy!). What you are describing is a reflexive action - a reaction that is simply triggered by the stimulus of seeing tears (it's still not for "no reason," but it's not because of empathy...).

- July 15, 2008 01:51 AM

Natch has obtained said haircut, but has no proof.

Northridge, CA

Posts: 65

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Empathy: Monkey see, monkey do.

That's what it all boils down to. Ever see someone cry? Doesn't it want to make you cry for no reason?

Exactly.

- July 15, 2008 12:32 AM

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