Is your soul mate supposed to be someone who’s entirely different from you? Yes and no. Find out if you are meant to be or on opposite sides of the spectrum.
We’ve all heard it over and over again. “If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite.” Is that the best approach? How can someone who has a different set of values, attitudes and hobbies be so attractive? People who are dramatically different from us are often the most attractive. This comes from a common sense approach to social relationships. Our lives are usually enriched by connections to others who have abilities that we don’t have. Unfortunately, applying this lesson to our romantic pursuits is often a recipe for disaster.
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“If the qualities that attract you to someone are different from your own, be cautious, “ says clinical psychologist and author of How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He points out that while opposites often attract, they also usually drive each other crazy over the long haul. Dr. Warren’s three decades of counseling married couples has led him to make “finding someone similar to you” one of the pillars of his relationship advice. “I don’t discount how hard it is to find someone who is a lot like you. It has always been difficult, and it’s become even more so, as diversity increases. But when two people come from similar backgrounds, they operate from a position of strength. Their relationship is made significantly easier by all the customs and practices they have in common.”
Forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference you have requires negotiation and adaptation. Accommodation and compromise will necessitate plenty of change. This change creates a kind of stress, and according to Dr. Warren, “If there are too many differences, you may not be able to survive all the strain involved in adapting to each other.”
I BELIEVE OPPOSITES DO NOT ATTRACT. FROM EXPERIENCE, IF U DO NOT HAVE SAME INTERESTS, HOBBIES, SAME VALUES, IT WILL NEVER EVER WORK NO MATTER HOW HARD U TRY.
I really do believe that in some cases opposites do attract. Sometimes if both parties are too much alike, then that can head for disaster. I had a dating relationship with someone once for a year and this person is very much like me. We are both Christians and we share the same ideology and beliefs.
I left for the military and she stayed in our home state. So, we had a long distance factor too. I did go visit for a while at times. My partner was okay with that. But, something happened. Once, I was talking about my new adventures and experiences in the military and how I was growing after leaving the place where I always grew up, she seemed to really resent it. I think what happened was that we were two people from very similar backgrounds, beliefs, and the same ideology. One person decided to try something new with his life, then the other party is like,"Oh no! You shouldn't be doing this because it's not who we are." I'm not any relationship expert, but I just thought I share an experience.
I think there are many variables in a relationship that we cannot control. If a relationship doesn't work for whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. Adam and Eve were differnt people with their own personalities and it was working until sin entered the world. That's a good example to opposites coming together. It's oversimplified to think that opposites don't attrct nor do they work together because we are all made uniquely.
This helped me a lot. I was married to an opposite for 21 years and have been in several "opposite" relationships since my divorce. I truly believed you were suppose to be with an "opposite". Boy, do I have a lot to think about!!
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