Do Opposites Attract?
Is your soul mate supposed to be someone who’s entirely different from you? Yes and no. Find out if you are meant to be or on opposite sides of the spectrum.
We’ve all heard it over and over again. “If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite.” Is that the best approach? How can someone who has a different set of values, attitudes and hobbies be so attractive? People who are dramatically different from us are often the most attractive. This comes from a common sense approach to social relationships. Our lives are usually enriched by connections to others who have abilities that we don’t have. Unfortunately, applying this lesson to our romantic pursuits is often a recipe for disaster.
“If the qualities that attract you to someone are different from your own, be cautious, “ says clinical psychologist and author of
How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He points out that while opposites often attract, they also usually drive each other crazy over the long haul. Dr. Warren’s three decades of counseling married couples has led him to make “finding someone similar to you” one of the pillars of his relationship advice. “I don’t discount how hard it is to find someone who is a lot like you. It has always been difficult, and it’s become even more so, as diversity increases. But when two people come from similar backgrounds, they operate from a position of strength. Their relationship is made significantly easier by all the customs and practices they have in common.”
Forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference you have requires negotiation and adaptation. Accommodation and compromise will necessitate plenty of change. This change creates a kind of stress, and according to Dr. Warren, “If there are too many differences, you may not be able to survive all the strain involved in adapting to each other.”
Print
Email
RSS
Recent comments on this article
Read all comments