Decoding the Emotional Affair

I was involved in a platonic relationship with a man I met 18 months after my marriage ended due to my exes affair with another woman. We began on this basis due to the complicated relationship baggage we were both still dealing with at the time. ( my call) His wife had also left him for another man six months earlier. For 2 and a half years we were platonically involved with each other until finally we decided our feelings were strong enough to warrant exploring further and we began a romantic relationship.

From that point on everything unravelled spectacularly. As soon as we became involved another woman became highly interested in him and began an emotional affair with him. She was in the process of separating from her husband and relied on my boyfriend for emotional support. They were in constant email and text contact and were meeting regularly for a 'cuppa and a chat'. I was made to feel like the bad guy for not supporting her in her time of need if I questioned either of their motives. She acted like my best friend in order that she could maintain the contact with him and make me look like the jealous,possessive girlfriend if I wasn't supportive of her. I was wary of bringing my past relationship baggage into the present and so allowed things I shouldn't have. She also reassured me constantly that she had no interest in him.

Eventually my boyfriend broke off the relationship with me and began one with her.

I lost the friendship, the relationship and the network of people we had built around each other together as we were all members of a sporting group and had spent a lot of time with each others family and friends. She quickly turned on me as she had no further use for my friendship and she made sure that he and I had no further contact with each other. The life I had begun to rebuild after my marriage collapse completely disintegrated and I was left feeling betrayed and humiliated by the guy that had helped support me after my marriage collapse. This all happened a year ago and I have been suffering from clinical depresssion and been reliant on medication and counselling ever since.

I find it hard to trust people in general now and am trying to move on to a space where I don't feel quite so hopeless about the future. All the 'you're better off without him' and 'she did you a favour' comments from well meaning friends don't help.

They are still together.

My advice would be to be very wary of the emotional affair as I have since spoken to many women who tell me their relationships have broken down in similar circumstances.

F

Thanks Traveling_Girl, It is going to be tough letting go. He is a charmer! My naivete is being enlightened exceptionally fast and my trust in homosapiens is becoming nonexistent. Online dating is a good educator for naivete.

Cathy38

I found this article VERY interesting. One of my closest friends is having an "emotional" affair with someone she used to work with (he's now working abroad, but they still communicate constantly). She calls and texts me with details about their exploits and intimate discussions; they take vacations together, for Pete's sake! She's said they're not having sex, but the only thing that's holding her back is that she'd be then cheating on her husband. Her husband has physically cheated on her twice. I've told her again and again that I don't want to hear about this 'boyfriend', that she should either divorce said husband (she won't because of their 'schedule') or get some counseling (she doesn't trust psychologists). The other guy isn't married.

She's done similar stuff before, and worse, she has two young kids that I'm sure are soaking this up like sponges. I love her but she's completely lost perspective, not to mention how's she damaging her children.

What can I say to her that either get through that thick skull of hers, open her eyes, or tell her this part of her life is off-limits in our conversations?