Debunking the "2-Day Rule"

Taking time between communications may seem like a good thing to do, but applying outdated etiquette might actually make you seem more romantically inept than socially adept.

by eHarmony Staff

It's been nearly a decade since the singles movie Swingers was in full swing, but for many the "2-day rule" is still in effect. These days, though, it has migrated from the phone to the Internet, and two days can easily turn into two weeks.

For those of you out-of-the-know, the 2-day rule is the assumption that a person must wait at least two days after initial contact with someone they're interested in before getting in touch with them. This unwritten rule tries to mitigate a slippery slope - contacting someone you're interested in too soon can come across as desperate, but taking too much time to contact them may seem like you're not interested at all.

Taking some time between communications may seem like a good thing to do. Yet in the digital divide between intended meaning and what comes through in messages sent to your matches, you may find that applying outmoded offline etiquette like the 2-day rule to the online world may actually make you seem more romantically inept than socially adept.

Emotional Procrastination: A Cumulative Effect
Take the situation of receiving a communication request. A match sees something or many things that they like about your profile and take the plunge to send you a few questions. You read them but then make a mental note to answer them later. A day goes by. Perhaps two. Then work gets in the way. You'll put it off until the weekend until you can find a stretch of time to focus your attention on communicating with them. Then the weekend goes by.

At this point, your match may start to assume that your silence is an indication that you're just not that interested in even exchanging the most basic and noncommittal questions and answers. And you even may start to feel as though you shouldn't respond because too much time has passed and it somehow devalues the potential for a relationship. All of these assumptions could cause you to miss out on a great person for you because of believing in this 2-day rule myth.

The main problem with adhering to unwritten dating codes like the 2-day rule is that its practice can become a form of emotional procrastination. Over time, it can morph into an excuse not to act on how you really feel. The smallest apprehension will cause you to delay responding, even though you do have even a slight degree of interest in getting to know the other person. In many cases of choosing not to respond to a match, users may be putting off what may be slightly uncomfortable right now for some vague later time that doesn't feel as threatening. The bottom line is that this avoidance may cause you to miss out on the initial stages of getting to know someone who is compatible with you.