Clingy Behavior you Need to Nix Now

If you are a relationship cling-on you could be scaring your partners away. But exercise some independence and your relationship will thrive.

by eHarmony Staff

While most of us are looking for an attentive and thoughtful companion, there is no bigger deal breaker than a needy partner. Smothering your significant other with high-maintenance demands is one of the quickest ways to push him or her away. Plus, looking to others for validation will only leave you disappointed and disempowered.

Clingy Move #1: Playing the Copycat

Do you find yourself adopting your significant other’s interests? If he likes NASCAR or she likes country music, are you instantly a “me too” fan? It’s fine to check out and learn more about what your mate likes, but shadowing or following his or her hobbies is unbecoming. It implies that you have no interests of your own.

It is definitely more attractive if as a partner you are stimulating and challenging, rather than the same boring story all the time. Mixing it up with different hobbies, beliefs and preferences just makes things more appealing. A newfound appreciation for something you wouldn’t normally consider is great, but show careful consideration when it comes to copycatting.

Clingy Move #2: Never Having Anything Going On

For fear of being unavailable in case your flame calls, you clear your schedule for the possibility of a last-minute request for your time. Maybe you never even initiate plans with others because you don’t want to be busy but at your sweetheart’s beck and call. When you are giddy with love for someone new, the trick is to continue to operate as normal, which means you should not always be available.

In any healthy relationship, it’s important that you maintain your sense of self and that you actually enjoy your time by yourself. Relying on your significant other for a good time makes you come off as—pardon the word—pathetic. Plus, it’s very tiring for the person who’s been put in charge of entertaining you.

Clingy Move #3: Pulling the Ditch and Switch

If you are ditching your friends to hang out with your new lady love or charming chap, you have your priorities blurred. Of course it’s important to meet and spend time with new people who are important in your life, but don’t completely pull the rug out from under the strong relationships you fostered while single.

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and freshness of new love, but remember that your friends and family were there before this relationship and most likely will continue to be there if it doesn’t work out.

Clingy Move #4: Putting Your Significant Other on Lockdown

When she is out on a girls’ night or he is out with his bros, leave them alone. If you can’t resist calling 67 times while your significant other is away, you’ll look needy and desperate. You have to trust that he or she is faithful and honest while respecting your relationship. If he doesn’t call when he says he will, think twice before you freak out. Perhaps he’s having a great time or got caught up someplace.

If you let your significant other have some space, it will make the reunion much more special. Try calling only when necessary, as a little flirting can be fun, but more than a couple of text messages or voice mails is probably too many.

Clingy Move #5: Being Unable to Do Anything by Yourself

Not every activity must be conducted together. You are an individual, and it’s okay to step out on your own. If you want a companion for a trip to the drugstore or on your morning run, take along your dog, an MP3 player or a friend. If you attach yourself to your mate’s hip all the time, he or she won’t have the opportunity to miss you. In fact, it can be quite annoying. Kick back and give your partner some space and realize the closeness that is reaped from separation.

Ultimately, it’s a big sign of insecurity if you are constantly leaning on others to make you feel comfortable. It could make your partner resent the weight you are laying on her and she will react by denying you. Not only do your insecurities make others feel prickly, they might also remind them of their own vulnerabilities, creating bitterness. Neediness can rob energy from your mate, exhausting patience and depleting the warm fuzzies. Instead, start radiating independence and confidence in your relationship and get a life of your own.