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Infidelity happens with alarming frequency, as recent news events can confirm. Although more than 95% of people think that infidelity is wrong, over a lifetime 22%–25% of men and 11%–15% of women will admit to having extramarital sex, and if you include emotional infidelity, the numbers grow— a lot; some reputable surveys have estimated more than 40% of all marriages have some form of infidelity.
So can you tell if someone is going to cheat?
Who is Vulnerable?
Research has shown that there is no ONE reason why spouses cheat on their wives/husbands. Some people do it because they are powerful and think they can cheat and not get caught; some because they are not getting love, intimacy or attention from their spouses; and some because the hot stranger flirts with them at just the wrong time. There are many reasons why it happens, and the things that may lead to cheating can be subtle and hard to see when they start.
Where does it start, and with whom? It’s not as simple as “He’s a jerk” or “She can’t control herself.” Researchers have done a lot of work looking at the type of person who is more likely to cheat and the type of marriage where cheating is more likely. And it turns out the roots of infidelity can be very deep. There are types of people that are more vulnerable to engage in affairs. It’s probably not surprising that men are more likely to cheat (especially those who feel powerless and socially isolated), but both genders can easily fall into the following groupings:
• Those who crave excitement
• Those who are not religious
• Those who have a history of divorce, sexual abuse or such psychological problems as depression or bipolar disorder
The roots of cheating can also lie in the quality of the marriage. Spouses who have a lot of conflict and little warmth and closeness with their partners and tend to neglect or take for granted the sexual aspects of their relationships are more likely to become the perpetrators or the victims of infidelity.
But none of these things means that someone will cheat. No one is destined to cheat. In fact, cheaters rarely intend to cheat.
Where is the Point of no Return?
More often cheaters find themselves sliding down a slippery slope before they are ever aware of it. The eventual cheater may find him- or herself denying the risks of a burgeoning relationship by thinking, “It’s only lunch, it’s not that big of a deal”; “It isn’t a big deal if I give her a present”; or “Sure I kissed him, but we were drunk at the holiday party.”
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