Busyness: The Modern Disease

We juggle. We struggle to keep up. We rarely slow down. It's the modern disease. But we've got the antidote - it will help you find love and help you start loving your life.

by Dr. Les and Dr. Leslie Parrott

"For fast-acting relief, Try slowing down." - Lily Tomlin


No one answers the phone anymore. They "let the machine get it" to save time. And if you have the time, they'll tell you about all the things they have to do before tomorrow or before dinner or before they go to bed. They have the housework to finish, a deadline at work, a family event to attend, the dry cleaning to pick up and an exercise class. As one of our friends is fond of saying, we're all as busy as a fiddler's elbow.

So we are busy. Nobody's disputing that fact. The real question is, How busy are you? We take that back. The real question - the one upon which this chapter hinges - is, What are you busy at?

How to Battle Busyness and Win
Michigan's governor issued an official proclamation recently: "On behalf of the citizens of Michigan, Governor Jennifer M. Granholm hereby proclaims October 24 as 'Take Back Your Time Day.' Whereas too many are suffering from overwork, over-scheduling and time poverty ... and whereas, many Americans are working extremely long hours, taking shorter vacations and suffering from stress and burnout ... and whereas, time pressure has a negative impact on family life ... therefore be it, I Jennifer M. Granholm, Governor of the State of Michigan, do hereby proclaim this day as 'Take Back Your Time Day'" We'd never heard of such a proclamation. It almost made us want to pull up our roots in Seattle and move to the Great Lake State. Who wouldn't want to live in a place where even the governor wants you to not be so busy? If only it were that easy. Unfortunately, it takes more than a proclamation to actually win the war on busyness. Here are a few suggestions for doing just that.

Umm... Slow Down
No duh, right? Of course the cure for hurry sickness is to slow down. Lily Tomlin's quote at the top of this article is one of our favorites. If you prefer a more contemplative thinker, here's what Gandhi said: "There is more to life than increasing its speed." Okay. So we all know we should slow down, but how? Well, after reading this sentence, close your eyes, take a deep breath, put your hand over your heart and feel the beat for about 15 seconds. Did you do it? If so, you know how something as simple as this can slow you down. But if you didn't, if you kept on reading, let us ask you a question. You seriously don't have time to pause for 15 seconds before completing this paragraph? If so, we have a more challenging assignment. Try not wearing your watch tomorrow. If you're really brave, take the clock off the wall. Just for a day. You'll be amazed to discover how tuned into time you are and how your watch speeds you up more than you think. It's a little exercise that can't help but get you to ease your foot off the gas pedal of your day and slow down.

Examine Your "Secondary Gains"
We have a friend who actually feels complimented when you tell him he looks tired. "Been pushing hard," he'll say with pride. Know someone like this? These people view "busy" as a badge of honor. Why? It has to do with something we psychologists call secondary gains. The primary gain of being busy appears to be productivity. But just under the surface, we also gain from running in high gear because it may keep us from reflecting on the deeper issues of our lives something that tends to scare us. Or perhaps it keeps us from thoughts and feelings, and even people, we dread. Being busy gives us license to arrive late, slip out early or be absent altogether. Busyness can keep us from having a conversation that's long overdue. It can prevent us from confronting an issue that's begging to be addressed. Busyness can be a means of avoiding something you need to confront. Perhaps it's mounting financial debt or a lack of passion for your job. Maybe it's the feeling of just drifting through life without real meaning or presence. You get the idea. If you're ever going to be successful in wrestling your busyness to the ground, you need to take a serious look at any potential second gains. You need to ask yourself what exactly your busyness is getting you besides the belief that you're getting more done. Be honest, brutally honest with yourself as you explore your answer and yourself.

Quit Serving Leftovers
Busy people rarely give their best to the ones they love. They serve leftovers. We're not talking about the kind that come from your fridge. We're talking about emotional and relational leftovers -- the ones that remain after the prime energy and attention have already been given to others. This is sometimes known as sunset fatigue. It's when we are too drained, too tired or too preoccupied to be fully present with the ones we love the most. They get what's left over. And a meaningful relationship -- whether with family, friends or a significant other -- cannot survive on leftovers forever. We give our best to our loved ones when we give them attention and energy. We give our best when we make them our highest priority.