Birth Order and your Relationship

It�s something that we have absolutely no control over yet it influences how we interact with other people for the rest of our lives: birth order. See what patterns you are carrying from childhood and how it affects your dating life.

by eHarmony Staff

Is it really true that middle children cause more problems? That firstborns are more responsible but also a bit uptight? That youngest kids are going to remain the babies in the family? And if so, what would any of this have to do with dating and relationships?

Let’s look at some birth-order basics and discover what these patterns might mean in your romantic relationships.

The Firstborn Child

Typically, a first child grows up to be a conscientious and achievement-oriented adult who enjoys being in control and strives to please others. The idea is that when they were young, they had their parents all to themselves for a while, then lost that privilege. As a result, even as adults, they look for ways to gain back the undivided attention and approval they got used to receiving before their siblings came along. They’re also often very organized and prefer to be in charge, which produces success in academics and career.

What it Means for Your Relationship 

The good news for a firstborn when it comes to relationships, then, is that they’re most likely reliable. You can count on them to be where they said they’d be, when they said they’d be there, and much of the guesswork of a relationship will be removed. The flip side of this, of course, is that they may need to work on being a bit more spontaneous and free-spirited. Also, a firstborn should be very aware of their potential tendency to try to maintain complete control when they interact with others; their relationships will benefit if they keep in mind the importance of compromise and collaboration.

The Middle Child

The middle child can often feel “squeezed out” by their siblings. The older sibling gets more responsibility and opportunities, while the younger sibling is the baby of the family and is thus coddled and adored. The good news is that middle children gets lots of practice at negotiating conflict, since they have to deal with it in both directions. Their flexibility and sociability means that they’ll often end up being the kind of laid-back people that others like to be around. They also usually show strengths when it comes to compromise and coalition building.

What it Means for Your Relationship 

As a result, a middle child often makes a very good romantic partner. Since middle children are the least likely to have been spoiled in any way, they’re most likely willing to work hard to create a happy and meaningful relationship. One pitfall to watch out for, though, is the desire to avoid conflict, which middle children typically hate. They’ve experienced enough conflict and therefore do all that they can to steer clear of it. That, of course, is a dangerous inclination in a relationship, where it’s often crucial that conflict be acknowledged and dealt with.