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You want to be trusting, and you understand that you and your partner have to maintain faith in each other to enjoy a healthy relationship. But those nagging suspicions keep reappearing. They might have something to do with faithfulness and fidelity. Or maybe you have questions about your partner’s actual financial situation or job. Or it could be that you’re skeptical about what your partner has told you about his or her past, about how he or she spends time, or about some sort of legal problem.
Is There a Chance that I’m Worrying for Nothing?
The first step in dealing with your concerns is to ask yourself whether your worries might stem from your past experiences or if you are possibly being a bit paranoid. In other words, before you decide that you are being lied to, consider whether or not you are being completely objective about the situation.
For example, have you been burned in the past by someone who wasn’t honest? Could the wounds from that old relationship be producing false fears and worries about your current partner? Or have you noticed that you have a tendency to worry about issues like this? Were there times when you were accused of being paranoid or over-sensitive? If so, that doesn’t mean that what you fear now isn’t real; but it does mean that you ought to ask yourself some tough questions. As is so often the case, self-awareness is where the truth begins.
Then, once you’ve been as honest as possible with yourself, you can ask the next question:
Are my Doubts Justified?
It may be that you’re seeing some legitimate signs that seem to justify your concerns: suspicious charges on a credit card bill, frequent hang-ups when you answer the phone, unusual working hours that don’t quite seem right, facts that don’t add up, an unwillingness to let you meet certain friends or family members. If signs like these begin to crop up more and more, then you owe it to yourself and to your relationship to take them seriously. It’s actually very irresponsible not to examine them or to turn a blind eye toward what seems suspicious.
So if your fears seem legitimate, explore them by thinking about what you already know. One of the best places to begin is …
Has my Partner Given me Reason to Doubt him or her in the Past?
If so, then you’re right to be concerned at this point. If what you’re noticing now seems to be part of a real pattern of dishonesty, then, again, the responsible thing to do is to address it in a meaningful way. But on the other hand, if your partner has consistently earned your trust in the past, then filter these new concerns through the trust you two have always enjoyed together.
Regardless of your answer to this question, it’s probably time to stop holding your fears inside. So ask yourself:
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