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Nerves aside, getting to know someone in person for the first time can come with mixed signals, a roller coaster of thoughts and a flurry of emotions. So how can you tell things are going well? Look for these 5 telltale signs that may indicate that you and your date are well on your way to a mutually desired second date.
1. Positive anticipation. As thoughts turn to what could be, where to go and what to wear, you should feel a positive level of excitement and curiosity toward getting to know this new person. Especially with online dating, finally meeting someone you’ve been messaging with and talking to on the phone for weeks or months is an exhilarating experience. A first date transforms thoughts, feelings and pieced-together information into reality, and the big question on both you and your date’s mind is, "I like this person, but will there be enough chemistry?"
Red flags...On the other hand, less than positive anticipation toward a date can indicate that your feelings for the person that you’re meeting are not that strong. You may even have low expectations about what the outcome will be. In other cases, you may not be emotionally ready to date, especially if you’re still healing from a recent breakup. Let your conscience be your guide, and make sure that irrational fear is not making your decisions for you. No one likes rejection, but if you don’t put one foot out there to test the terrain, you’ll never be able to cover any ground to get you closer to the relationship you’d like to share with someone.
2. Relative Ease The first few minutes of a first date are usually marked by nervous smiles and ice-breaking conversation. During this small talk, you and your date are looking for commonalities that you share, such as a similar sense of humor and viewpoints on a variety of issues. You may both speak about shared references from e-mails or phone calls. As you both become more comfortable with one another you and your date should begin to feel more relaxed, and the conversation more open to share who you both are and to simply enjoy the experience you’re sharing, whether it’s a cup of coffee, a nice meal or a walk along the boardwalk or park. So once the initial nerves of the first date have passed, look for an easy conversational style between you.
Red flags...If your conversations seem anything but easy, and you begin to catalog major idiosyncrasies about your date that irritate you while he or she is speaking, take note. One or two qualities that are new to you that you’re not sure about may not be a problem (and can even become cute to you over time as your feelings deepen), but if there are several can’t-stands emerging like exit signposts on the imagination superhighway in your mind, take heed. Also feeling as though your partner is grilling you with one complex question after another, as if you were in a job interview or audition is a sign that conversational ease is lacking.
3. Mutual curiosity When there is mutual attraction, both partners will want to engage the other to learn as much about the other person as possible; there is a natural curiosity level present. Each new fact uncovered will form opinions and assumptions about whether the two of you would be a dynamic duo or should stay solo. First dates are about exchanging lots of different types of information: Does he make you laugh? Does she have a nice smile? Is he respectful toward other people around you, and valets and restaurant wait staff? What kind of stories does she tell, and what do they say about her?
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