5 Relationship Red Flags

In those beginning stages of love, it's easy to overlook abnormal behavior. Wonder whether you should stick it out or run the other way? Here are five red flags that should signal the end of your relationship.

by eHarmony Staff

Coulda. Shoulda. Woulda. That’s what comes out of our mouths and into our minds after we break up with an especially toxic person. I could have been more guarded. I should have read the signs. I would have dumped him/her months ago had I known…

Well, don’t be too hard on yourself. You were in love. (Or thought you were.) With love’s rose-colored glasses on, oftentimes it’s difficult to recognize abnormal behavior. Next time around, if you aren’t sure if you should listen to that nagging feeling inside of you, maybe this list will come in handy.

Ex-ample #1 – The Ex Is Still in the Picture

Some people keep in contact with their exes and some people don’t—you have little control over whether your significant other falls one way or the other. But if you find yourself in this situation, you need to ask yourself some serious questions: Why is this person still hanging around? To what degree are they hanging around? (Phone calls? Meetings? Pictures?) Does this other person fulfill some kind of need? Am I (meaning you) really that important?

It’s hard to come to grips with that last one. Truthfully, if your boyfriend/girlfriend is really that into you, they shouldn’t need attention from a former flame. Examine your situation carefully and go with your gut. Even if you don’t feel particularly threatened, an ex in the picture is not something to wave off. Further, if your new sweetie isn’t ready to move on to the bright future with you, the timing isn’t right.

You Catch Them in Lies (Even Small Ones)

Because we are human, we lie on occasion. Let’s be honest: adopting a “no lies, ever” policy only results in hurt feelings. So spare your friend with the bad haircut. She feels bad enough. In most cases, the “white lies” are intended to save someone’s feelings, not cover up shady behavior.

However, little lies such as the whereabouts of your beau or the identity of the mysterious caller on the cell phone should send off a warning bell inside your mind. These fabrications imply there is something to hide, if not now, someday. Even lies that have seemingly little to do with you or your relationship should make you suspicious. Lies about trivial matters are a warning that the big one is around the corner, so don’t play the fool.

Worse, if you are the recipient of any big lies (about previous marriages, children, habits) you should take the cue to run. Honesty really is the pillar of a successful relationship, so expect nothing less.