There are hundreds of personality traits and tendencies that make someone "good material" for a successful long-term relationship. But according to relationship experts, there is one trait that is more important that all others. Mastering verbal intimacy is the most important indicator of whether a person is right for you and ready for a serious relationship. For the person who is dating and seeking a partner to pursue a successful relationship, there is no more important task than determining if your current date has the ability to share themselves verbally on a deep and intimate level.
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Psychologists emphasize "verbal" intimacy, the sharing of our deepest fears, dreads, joys, and inner experiences as a great way to learn about the interior of our potential partners. They also share 3 things, which must be present for true verbal intimacy to begin and flourish.
#1 You must know who YOU are. Many adults, and especially men, are complete strangers to themselves. When asked to describe their feelings on certain subjects, they are unable to answer, practically unable to even understand the question. This kind of numbness often starts in childhood when children are told to "act like a man" or to "stop crying" because "you're not hurt." These messages tell children to ignore their inner signals. Over many years, these individuals will become oblivious to what they are feeling. To be able to share yourself deeply you must know what you're feeling. It is vital that you understand yourself before you have the capability to be an equal partner in a satisfying, verbally intimate relationship.
#2 You must have a desire to know each other. We all know certain individuals that seem fixated on themselves. These narcissists may momentarily ask an inane question about you and your life, but they quickly direct the conversation back to their accomplishments. This tendency is also often a result of a childhood imbalance. If you grew up in a home where no one really seemed interested in you, you may have developed into an adult that loves to talk about yourself. When you meet someone who has a great desire to sit and actively listen to you talk about yourself, this is an excellent sign that this person is geared towards expressing verbal intimacy.
#3 You must make space for verbal intimacy. Verbal intimacy is most likely to flourish when stress is low, relaxation is high and the phone is off. No one needs to be reminded about how cell phones, pagers, and computers have made it easier for us to carry work home and elsewhere. Time that used to be personal time by default can now be turned into work time. For verbal intimacy to grow, the frantic pace of our lives must be slowed. We must make time for long walks and quiet dinners. Sometimes we feel guilty for making this space in our schedules, but no relationship can become a brilliant one without a dedication to the verbal intimacy concept. A relationship can start without verbal intimacy. It can continue for months and sometimes years without either partner giving time or consideration to its benefits. However, over time almost every relationship will go flat, that is lose it spontaneous excitement, unless both partners commit to enhancing their verbal intimacy.
This is a question for Men:
I have been dating a guy for about three months. He is verbally expressive about how he feels about me (which is all-good). However, one thing he doesn't do is ask questions about me or I should say I ask many questions and he doesn't. I feel I know him better than he knows me. I grew up in a large family (I am one of eight)wherepart of the communication was asking questions. He grew up with only one sister. I don't know if I should address this or if I should leave it alone. We have a good relationship. Are some guys afraid to ask questions or do theyfeel they are preying?
If he wants to know you I'd think he'd be asking questions about you. You said he's verbally expressive about how he feels for you....if he isn't asking anything about you how much does he really know YOU to have feelings for YOU? I'd say definitely ask him "So how come you don't seem to ask many questions about me?" But...most likely he'll come back with an answer that doesn't take the questions seriously, just saying he doesn't need to ask you anythingbecause he knows you well enough without doing this. Best wishes.
This is a question for Men:
I have been dating a guy for about three months. He is verbally expressive about how he feels about me (which is all-good). However, one thing he doesn't do is ask questions about me or I should say I ask many questions and he doesn't. I feel I know him better than he knows me. I grew up in a large family (I am one of eight)wherepart of the communication was asking questions. He grew up with only one sister. I don't know if I should address this or if I should leave it alone. We have a good relationship. Are some guys afraid to ask questions or do theyfeel they are preying?
Many people in this world make mistakes in marriage, stand by it, and they wind up going through life miserable and unhappy, because they fear whatever criticism may follow them if they correct the mistake. There are also many people who do not pursue higher learning via education, after leaving school, because they fear criticism.
There are thousands, if not millions, of men and women who have permitted relatives and friends to destroy their lives in the name of duty. Why? Because they fear criticism. A wise man once said, "Duty does not require any person to submit to the destruction of his or her personal ambitions and the right to live his or her own life in his or her own way."
How many people do we know who refuse to take chances in business, because they are afraid of the criticism which might follow them if they fail to succeed? In many cases the fear of criticism is greater than the desire for success. There are many people who do not set high goals for themselves, or worse, they don't even bother to select a career, because they fear the criticism of family and "friends" who might say, "Don't aim so high, people will think you're crazy."
Someone once said, "The time to nurse an idea is at the time of its birth. Every minute it lives, gives it a better chance of surviving." The fear of criticism lies at the bottom of the destruction of most ideas which are destined to never reach the planning and action stage.
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